For this week’s Breakfast Balls, court is officially in session—Bad Birdie Court.
We’re laying down the law Judge Judy-style on golf’s biggest grey areas—from gimme putts to allowing dogs on the course to anything else you and your golf crew has always wondered about. We'll make the official ruling and you can get back to the game.
So without further ado...
All rise for the honorable, us.
Our Opening Remarks:
Gimme putts are golf’s greatest mind game. Drive for show, putt for dough. So while we love swinging hard and putting on a show...
We also love free beer and making a little walking around money—which means at some point, the putts have to drop.
And in the case of gimmes, the biggest mind f*** can come when deciding whether to give one or not. So today, we settle the issue, once and for all.
(Though let's get this cleared up right from the top, if you ever have to ask for a gimme... you ain't getting one. So yeah, that double breaking five footer? We're gonna need to see you hit that.)
The Recreational Round Gimme
Picture this. You threw out a Hail Mary text to the golf crew, looking to put a last-minute Sunday Funday round on the books. Three quick "I'm in" texts later, you're out at the local muni, brews in hand, enjoying a couple hours out in the sun.
No side action needed because this round is about celebrating everyone's game. So, as you approach the green on one, marveling at the 4 footer your buddy just stuck from 90 yards out...
Hand those gimmes out like candy on Halloween. Recreational rounds are about one thing, keeping the vibes high. And we rule that you should set the tone early and often as "The Gimme Guy", avoiding a Sunday Funday meltdown like this...
That was good by us, Tiger.
The Bad Day Gimme
Maybe the round isn’t recreational and you’re playing some inner-squad skins. But you just passed the turn and you're watching your poor buddy worm burnin’ his way to triple digits.
Ya hate to see it.
But on 16, as the three of you are neck and neck in the skins race, your fourth buddy (who you're now calling the Top-elganger because there's no way this is the same dude who shot an 84 last weekend) finally sticks one within 6 feet...
Look, golf should be fun. But your buddy is in a dark place—so be the light. Even if the putt is to take the skin, he needs the W and the court rules that the six footer he's left himself is good by us.
The Match Play Gimme
Okay, if we’re being honest, the first two exhibits were... gimmes. (Sorry, too easy.) But match play? Match play is the big leagues and THIS is why you come to Bad Birdie Court.
There is no greater golf competition than match play.
One on one.
Hole by hole.
A true grind.
And gimme putts can make or break the match.
Now, as connoisseurs of competition, we respect gamesmanship and in a sport that relies on getting a mental edge—gimme putts should be a key part of your strategy.
Gimmes? Use them... wisely.
On the Front Nine it's all about laying the trap.
You want to offer gimmes on holes that either don’t make a difference or lie in the “knee-knocker” zone between 3 and 6 feet. And unless they’re also reading this newsletter, they should graciously accept your generosity.
Lulled into a sense of security, they’ll joyfully pick up their ball, not realizing that they’re missing out on crucial practice for the pressure-filled back nine.
And now for the Back Nine - aka O Gimme, Where Art Thou?
(Starring George “No Clue”-ney and John “Up to No Good”-Man)
That’s right, the back nine is where you reap the rewards of your expertly laid trap.
As your opponent does the classic “slow walk up to their ball while staring you down to see if you’ll give them this 4 footer..."
You’re off to the side giving them the “staring off into space while fake going through the hole in your head, miming your way through your shots, while muttering to yourself about tips to remember for the next hole.”
Suddenly they’re at their ball and… well, we’ll let Ernie Els show you what’s to come.
As it is said so it shall be written.
Bad Birdie Court is adjourned!
And for one more ruling we will always support—Swing Hard.
Have you got a golf grey area that you need the Bad Birdie Court to rule on?
HIT US UP.