Iss. #40 | A $40M Crowdsourced PGA Popularity Contest You Say?
WELCOME TO THE BREAKFAST BALLS "FLU GAME"
As I sit here, 16 hours into dose dos of the COVID vaccine, I reflect on how I expected to feel—maybe a little shade of Tiger at the Barclays scratching and clawing my way through.
But in reality, I’m completely horizontal in my bed feeling more like one of Bryson’s demolished range balls. I will make it as far as I can for you all, my readers—unless a hero arises from my ashes…
The Player Impact Program.
What Can Go Wrong?
This week, the PGA Tour announced that they will be awarding a brand new prize pot of $40 milly to be split among the tour’s 10 most popular players. To which we ask, how do you determine popularity? To which they replied, a bunch of stats and $#&*. However, if anyone can recall what happens when the public is allowed to determine the outcome of popularity contests… we get things like Boaty McBoatface.
PGA Tour Superlatives
MOST LIKELY TO... DEMONSTRATE HIS BEST GILLY FROM SNL IMPRESSION EVERY TIME HE TALKS DURING YOUR BACK SWING
Duh! at the Zurich
Of Course These Two Are Paired
No more perfect name for that dude than Michael Gellerman too right?
And as the edges of my vision blur, I collapse on my computer. Hoping and wishing that when I arise, a hero will have taken me to the finish line. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
BEAM ME UP SCOTTY, I'M COMING IN HOT
I guess "Hello World."
I'm Bill, aka Bucket Hat Bill. Aka that guy that does the #2 segments where no one really knows if it's hole or the handicap. Spoiler alert: It's the #2 handicap.
As I sit at my mahogany desk inside the Bad Birdie House (similar to the Sway House but with more putting greens and less Addison Raes), I twirl my mustache hairs and wonder if it's physically possible to follow in Scott's enormous footsteps. Also, should I check on the guy or dedicate every syllable from here on out to his smooth recovery? SURELY, the 16 skinny margaritas from the Cheesecake Factory he had last night have NOTHING to do with his "covid vaccine side effects."
LIKE AN NFT, BUT IRL
This isn't a non-fungible token. It won't make you Dogecoin rich, but it is a lil' reward for making it this far into a Breakfast Balls where our writer is literally incapable of forming thoughts. As a sign of gratitude, I'd like to humbly offer you, the reader, a signed TP5 @billymo7 @badbirdiegolf golfball with a little swing tip from ol' Krooksy. Is it worth anything on the open market? Probably not, but be one of the first 5 to email bill@badbirdiegolf, and we'll send out the goods. Also, if you find one of these balls in the wild, and trust me there's about 3 dozen of them out there, send in a pic to the email above and we'll send you a free polo.
Insider hint: there's probably a dozen at Torrey Pines & another dozen at Coronado. Stay frosty San Diego readers.
That backhoe got a hemi?
Imagine working at a landscaping company for 20 years when your boss calls and tells you, "Today, we're heading to Tiger's house." Do you bring your 52 degree, a sleeve of ProV1's, and a sharpie just in case the big guy is chilling on a hammock slamming Arnie Palmers and slinging autographs?
The comeback tour isn't an "if" anymore, it's a "when." The guy is ripping up his entire backyard to build what I imagine will be an exact replica of hole 16 at Augusta just so he can go out there and relive all his greatest hits over and over again. Whatever helps you heal buddy.
Checking in with the BBTV fellas
#2's With Bill (ME)
#2’s with Bill was back this week. PSA: I'M VERY AWARE OF MY OVER THE TOP SWING AND I CAN'T F*****G FIX IT! Krooks forgot his chicken, ruined BOTH of our rounds, I played golf with the Mayor which really gave me some “rubbing of the elbow” vibes, and I found out that Krooks’ favorite painting was the one that Picasso did.
So good on ya Krooks, that is a great piece of art.
If you'd like to see Ray as your Mayor in 2022. Please follow the link above and submit your ballot inquire by the end of the year