Iss. #301 | The Ultimate Hole In One Scandal

"I feel like he always does something like that this time of year, but yeah, he looks stupid." - Scottie Scheffler on his caddie Ted Scott's new 'stache ahead of this week's FedEx Cup Playoff event... or my coworkers when I decide to change my form near the end of the golfing season to fix my newly discovered pull hook miss off the tee.

Membership HAD its privleges

THE ULTIMATE HOLE IN ONE SCANDAL

A pretty brazen cheating scandal surfaced this week about a golfer at a St. Louis area country club who faked a hole in one at their member-member.

How is that possible you ask? Pull up a chair.

Apparently, the guy played the first three holes of the event with his foursome before faking a call from his ill grandmother to separate from the group. He told the crew that he'd run ahead to tee off on the par 3 fourth to keep things moving.

The timeline seems fuzzy/the logistics of this don't quite line up for me—but apparently he had (an hour earlier) driven up to the fourth green, made the ball mark, and dropped his ball in the cup. So after he teed off, he told the group he "hit a bad shot". Upon searching, the group discovered the ball in the hole and everyone celebrated.

The story broke down when the club verified the hole in one by checking security footage—only to find our dude setting the entire scene up prior. He has since resigned from the club and offered an iconic line to local news...

"I’m not a cheater on the golf course. I made a bad decision and I have to suffer the consequences,” he said. And he is now focused on moving forward and doing what’s right for his family. A sentiment often seen when a politician resigns from office or a head coach steps away from a program after paying players to join their football team—wait, never mind on that second one.

Demolition Day... golf style

THE SLEDGE HAMMER SLICE

Catching my eye during my weekly scrolling was this video from the account @swingsculpt. (More on this company in a bit.)

This guy is seemingly demolishing his house/renovating it at the very least and decided to live out one of my stranger golf fantasies—playing golf inside your house with a real golf ball.

Yes, he spray painted a few holes on walls around his home and was taking full cuts with a real golf ball. Shattering windows, burying balls in the dry wall, and causing general chaos.

And while the video itself was entertaining enough, I dug into the account itself to also discover one of the more unique golf-related gifts. Swing Sculpt is actually a company that takes videos of yours or I imagine anyone's golf swing and turns it into an actual metal sculpture.

To the casual observer it appears like any other modern art desk piece but to those who know, the curvature of the oval is actually one of those swing tracer videos come to life. Pretty cool idea for those who have aesthetically pleasing swings—or also a great gift idea for someone with a favorite golfer. 

Would love to see someone gift this to Charles Barkley with his old mechanics.

As if a Pinehurst trip wasn't enticing enough

THE COMPOUND IS OPEN

The latest property from a personal favorite company of mine Birdie Houses is officially available for booking and they've set a new bar for what a golf trip accommodation can be.

The Aviary is a three house golfing compound near Pinehurst with each house featuring 5 bedrooms, 3.5 baths and sleeps 8 guests. Each house has its own pool, private putting greens, and an indoor simulator.

Where the compound really shines is if you dream of a world where you rent all three houses for a trip of 24 golfers. What that unlocks is a custom 9 hole routing between, through, and over the houses to each of the greens located on property—including holes topping out at 160 yards so definitely more than a little pitch and putt.

Plus, they offer preferred tee time booking to get you and the crew set up for the entire stay.

Got to say, I've been an admirer from afar as the idea of branding vacay rentals with the golf lean was genius. And if I am to ever dream of a world where we throw another Breakfast Balls Invitational... these guys will be one of our first calls.

Now this is a true fantasy football punishment

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL

At this point, I feel like I'd heard pretty much every fantasy football punishment imaginable. 24 hours in the Waffle House. 5 minute stand up comedy set. They're brutal.

For a league I'm in, the punishment was that the loser had to play a round of golf but with a set comprised of clubs selected by the rest of the league. So we spun a wheel, each person was in charge of one club, and then we got to build whatever insane club we could to force him to play with. We had a split grip putter at the length of a toddler. We had an uncut driver shaft so it was absurdly long and weighted completely lopsided.

But this one takes the cake for anyone who loves golf. The punishment was to play a round of golf—with no ball. Yes, you had to play with two strangers and, without explaining yourself or breaking character, hit every shot of a normal round but without an actual golf ball.

I swing back and forth by the hour about whether I'd have so much fun with this idea, pretending I chunked a wedge or misread a putt. Or I'd have such intense secondhand embarrassment as the other people in my group dialed the police thinking I had totally lost my mind.

And that's the sweet spot of fantasy punishments—equal parts fun and obscure while also being supremely embarrassing. Well done.