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300 Club: An elite group in Major League Baseball encompassing players who have achieved both 300 home runs and 300 stolen bases in their careers.
300 Club: An international group of prominent chief investment officers and finance professionals established in 2011 to challenge short-term thinking in the asset management industry.
300 Club: An extreme mid-winter ritual at the Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station where participants endure a 300°F temperature swing by running naked from a 200°F sauna out into -100°F ambient Antarctic air.
300 Club: An insane writing milestone achieved by musing about golf and golf adjacent culture to the Bad Birdie faithful for over 6 years! One of these things is not like the others. (The Antarctica one...)
I will make this intro short and sweet. To those of you who have read this column from day one or just started reading last week—I can't thank you enough for supporting Bad Birdie, for supporting me and my sometimes meandering mind, and for supporting the pure expression of everything this brand is about for no other reason than to create community and deliver you something that (hopefully) makes you smile each week.
And as I considered how best to celebrate the moment, I thought back to high school when we buried a time capsule of whatever we all voted on as important in the year 2000. A time capsule that, now, no one remembers was buried in the first place. But I tried so hard to remember what the @#^& we even put in that thing and how insane that @#^& must be if we opened it today. So I give you the Breakfast Balls time capsule—revisiting some of the oddest moments of the last 300 issues—dug up for your amusement and my own embarrassment. Because I've definitely said some @#&^.
Resurfaced from Issue 49
MATCH IV: WAS IT ALL FOR THIS?
<Originally written in July 2021...>
So as we get ready for the Match IV next Tuesday aka the grand finale of a super-sized 4th of July weekend, I can't help but be suspicious about the past few weeks leading up to this match.
My theory goes as follows:
May 23, 2021 - Phil wins PGA Championship.
May 24, 2021 - The infamous Brooks eyeroll video surfaces setting off the Brooks v. Bryson fued again.
May 26, 2021 - Phil and Bryson are announced as The Match participants.
May 27, 2021 to Present - The golf media machine can't stop talking about Bryson and his feud with Brooks despite no actual substance and the Tour ignoring the opportunity for Bryson and Brooks to actually exchange words among a foursome at the US Open.
(Imagine the following in the ESPN 30 for 30 guy's voice)
What if I were to tell you that Phil was the greatest golfer on Tour and conspired with TNT to not only turn on the jets at Kiawah to win a major (because he can win anytime he wants, he just chooses not to) but Phil also roped in Brooks through a back-handed deal to kick up a Bryson feud—all in the name of creating hype for The Match IV.
And it worked.
<What a difference five years makes. The Match was relevant. Phil was surging. And golf media was obsessed with talking Bryson... wait maybe that last one had some staying power.>
Resurfaced from Issue 66
TRICK OR TREAT EDITION
<Originally written in October 2021...>
I want to play a game.
Breakfast Ballers, this is your wake-up call.
Every day of your working life (or more like the last 66 weeks I guess) you have opened your inbox to find articles, memes and occasionally funny jokes written by me.
Now *you* will be the one doing the work.
Your aim in this game is to discover the five tricks hidden within this issue of Breakfast Balls.
At the end of the email will be a link. Click it and answer my questions. If you do what I ask, I may have a treat.
<This stretch of Breakfast Balls was truly the Wild West. I was rippin' Google Forms. Hyperlinking everything. And, apparently, setting up elaborate Saw-themed giveaways within the body of a golf apparel brand's weekly newsletter. Editorial oversight is overrated.>
Resurfaced from Issue 100
TOP 5 MOST CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS I'VE COVERED
<Originally written in July 2022>
TOP 5 MOST CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS I'VE COVERED
1 - DAO Country Club
(The most controversial by far, man you did not take kindly to me ripping the metaverse.)
2 - LIV
('Nuff said.)
3 - PGA
(Both sides-ism)
4 - Tee-less golf courses
(Perhaps I don't know as much about courses as I thought.)
5 - Scottsdale as the premiere destination
(I said don't @ me, but you @ me anyways.)
<I will absolutely let some opinions rip. And I try to check myself and ensure that at least my opinions come from a place of genuine nature and not nasty for sake of being nasty. But boy did you all not like my takes on the crypto-funded DAO country club. Easily one of the highest response rates I'd gotten and a lot of people who thought my suspicions weren't warranted.
For sake of argument, I'll leave this headline from Fried Egg this year right here... LinksDAO Struggles to Deliver on Promises.>
A recap wouldn't be complete without...
THE COMMENT THAT CONTINUES TO LIVE RENT-FREE
To Jason C... I hope you're still out there reading. Because I will never forget your email and for any time I find myself getting retrospective on writing Breakfast Balls, your quote is the first thing that comes to mind.
Cheers to you—and for those who don't know what quote I am talking about. Here it is, without edit.
"I’ve never seen anyone (publicly) that breaks all the rules of “proper” writing in such a brilliant way. I have written this way for years, privately (in texts to my bros), but I applaud the lack of give a $#!% this dude has." - Jason C.
Thank you. And as Leo was probably saying in the Gatsby meme above... here's to another 300!
