Issue. 12 The Top 5 Golf Course Perks
It’s a whole new PGA season. Bigger and badder than ever, we get six, YES SIX, majors AND a Ryder Cup AND the Olympics!
Now, as we kick things off this season with the exclusive Winged Foot Golf Club (early favorite for best course logo of the season), it’s got us dreaming about all the cushy perks of golf courses—both private and public.
We've all seen the videos of the rough eating balls alive or the greens running like they're made of marble. But honestly, what we're really curious about is the experience of the course. Are the golf carts comfy? What's Winged Foot got on tap in the bar?
Now, we've been around our fair share of golf courses, from country clubs to scrappy munis. And we realized it's the little perks of a course that have the potential to turn a bad golf round into a great all-around day.
So whether you’ve experienced these perks firsthand or just need something nice to dream about, we wanted to give our power ranking of golf’s greatest perks.
THE TOP 5 GREATEST GOLF PERKS
#1 - Food and Beverage
If you’ve learned nothing from our previous Breakfast Balls, snacks and bevvies continue to be the highest of priorities.
It's about a dedication to the craft and recognizing that golf is about so much more than the game being played. To us, there's nothing that screams "It's go time" quite like rolling up to the course with a giant cloud of BBQ smoker deliciousness hanging in the air and a selection of local microbrews on tap.
We've got internal office rumors here of a course in Mexico with tequila and tacos EVERY THREE HOLES. That's the kind of heat we want courses to bring.
#2 - The Range
There's truly nothing classier or more appreciated than a perfectly stacked pyramid of free practice balls on the range. Hit three or hit seventy three—who cares! We’ve never been to the pyramids in Egypt, but if they're anything like seeing a couple dozen hitting bays with gleaming white TP5 stacks waiting for you… we’ll probably cry.
And while we're talking range facilities, can we just air a bit of a grievance we've got with courses and their practice buckets...
NEW RULE: If the greens fee costs more than $60, then a complimentary warmup bucket should be included.
Asking us to pay an additional $5 for 20 busted up yellow Top Flights aka Rock Flights when you're already bleeding us dry on the entry fee is an absolute crime. This ain't Disney World.
#3 - Golf Carts
It's been documented that we consider ourselves connoisseurs of the cart. So when considering our favorite golf course perks, great carts were a must-have.
Cleanliness, in-cart GPS, pre-stocked tees + scorecard and Bluetooth capabilities are the tried and true signs of a course that knows how to cart.
However, when highlighting what takes a cart from ordinary to heroic, let's paint you a picture.
It's a sweltering summer round and before you could even walk over to the cart lineup you've already got a little sweat worked up. As you load on your bag, you peak around to find that a cooler is already in place. Just after you holler at your buddy to get a bag of ice and two cold ones, you give the cooler a peek. The lid opens, the heavens part and an angelic chorus sings—it's ALREADY filled with ice AND it's got a couple bottles of H20.
It's like a California panhandler in 1848—you struck gold!
#4 - The Pro Shop
Surprise, surprise. The dopest golf apparel company on the planet appreciates a good pro shop. But hear us out here because before the round even begins, it's the pro shop that actually sets the tone. It's the pro shop you flock to when attending PGA events—might as well nickname the Masters merch tent "Old Guy Disneyworld" because of all the overpriced goods flying out of there.
Give us rich mahoganies, give us a dozen Scotty Camerons to test out and give us all the SWAG. Seriously, throw us about $1.15 worth of free branded tees, divot tools, pencils and classy scorecards and we're thrilled.
To really take it to the next level though, let's talk the course booklet. Sure, our golf nerd is showing here—and this could be the equivalent of our parents reading every road sign or placard at the zoo growing up—but the in-depth course guide that breaks down the yardage and history of each hole is pretty badass.
Consulting the book then pretending like we laid up on our drive so we could “hit our number” is a fantasy world we like to live in. Layer in that each hole has its own name and backstory and we may frame the damn thing.
(Side note - we found this image while googling golf guide books and how INSANE is this hole from Singapore...it's like Bilbo Baggins is gonna pop out of a bunker at any second.)
#5 - Caddies
Wow, so a craft beer, a free $5 pile of practice balls, some ice in a cooler and a little golf book beat out an entire human being whose sole purpose is to help you achieve golf glory?
Technically, yes. But don’t get us wrong, caddies rank fifth only due to their rarity. And usually, if you've got a caddy, then numbers one through four are probably well in hand.
And we'll say this, once you've got a caddy on the bag, you will start to walk taller, strut longer and strike the ball… well about the same actually...
Plus, caddies are always the Baddest Birdies on the course. These guys love the game so much that, beyond sneaking in their morning and evening rounds, they double down and spend the rest of their day making sure you have the best round of your life. Mad respect.
The Bad Birdie Snack Shop
We break down the week into a menu of bite-sized thoughts—cooked fresh for you this morning.
#1 - Playing Partners
We just dropped our biggest polo lineup ever—so we decided to play course starter and give one of our new designs a suitable playing partner.
Now on the Tee...
Jackson, meet the Boomtown Brewery Artist Series.
Two picks that refuse to painted into a corner.
#2 - Baddest Birdie of the Week
You know you're dedicated to being the Baddest Birdies in the land when you're out here creating CUSTOM polos to celebrate your kid's bday. That's right, these parents-of-the-year bought a Bad Birdie polo, took it apart, and sewed together the world's first Bad Birdie Baby polo.
And your 2038 Masters Champion is...And your 2038 Masters Champion is...
Tag @badbirdiegolf or use #badbirdiegolf
to be featured in next week's Baddest Birdie.
#3 - Fantasy Foursome
Here are the three people we’d want to play golf with this week.
Michael O’Keefe - aka Danny Noonan from Caddyshack - who was spotted caddying FOR REAL during the US Open practice rounds this week. The amount of Ty Webb/Carl Spangler quotes flying during that round would be epic. Cinderella story.
Damian Lillard - Love to have a little good-natured chirping in the crew and after Dame roasted Patrick Beverley this week on Twitter following the Clips getting bounced... he earned the spot.
Tom Brady - After launching a couple sus passes last weekend against the Saints—and with visions of The Match still dancing in our heads, is it crazy to think that Tommy Terrific is vulnerable? You always need someone in the foursome you know you can beat...
#4 - Bad Birdie TV is Live!
Bringing you all the high fives and good vibes from our favorite playground each and every week.
To kick it off, meet our compadre Bucket Hat Bill as he battles the #2 handicap at Soldier Hollow by firing a driver off the deck.
And if you thought we'd leave you without a tip for the weekend—Swing Hard.