A PEEK INSIDE MY MIND THIS WEEK
IG Photo cred: @benwalton_gd
FROM PJs TO PRACTICE ROUNDS
If the NBA has Woj bombs for their breaking news and the NFL has Schefty... then I guess golf's hottest reporting duo is @RadarSpots and @EurekaEarthPlus.
On Tuesday, the golf world watched these boring AF feeds with bated breath because this is what we've been reduced to—watching Tiger's jet like it's the Santa Claus NORAD tracker. (A joke I wish I came up with but, in fact, was the product of golf.com writer Claire Rogers on Twitter. It deserves more love. Go give it a like, please.)
Reports are that Tiger played a practice round with his son Charlie (jerk) and Justin Thomas (jerk) and a "source" by the name of uhhh, let's say, Bengal Forest said "He played every one of them. He looked good to me."
For those who read me regularly, you know I'm here for another Tiger comeback. Reports also indicate that Augusta has allowed Netflix to film which makes this even more insane that we can watch the Tiger effect in real time through the reactions of all the Tour players.
But being the curmudgeon I am, my final Tiger prediction is:
He enters the field.
Plays Thursday.
WD on Friday because he rushed it back and his leg is still too sore.
"HOW DARE YOU WISH ILL UPON HIM!" - You
"Might I remind you of a few of my latest predictions... calling LINKSDAO a sham... only to watch Steph Curry invest just days later. Calling Sam Burns a phony... only to watch him WIN THE DAMN VALSPAR the following week." - Me
"My God... you're reverse jinxing Tiger. TIGER'S GOING TO WIN THE MASTERS?!" - You
Does Tom Petty co-chair Rolex AND Augusta too?
AUGUSTA DON'T F*** AROUND
Golf Digest dropped a dime this week and it's got me SHOOK.
So I guess I was always aware that Augusta National was stingy as hell when it comes to, well, everything. But the latest piece from GD reveals 15 people who found themselves in the proverbial Principal's office for some pretty shocking reasons.
MY FAVORITE 3 INFRACTIONS
3) Billy Casper (former champion) took full advantage of the lifetime exemption as he carded a 105!!! in 2005 at the tender age of 82. He withdrew without even turning in a scorecard, collected his participation check and went on his way. Shortly thereafter, Augusta formally ordered Bill to "take a hike old dude."
2) In 2011, Rickie Fowler showed up to his press conference with a <gasp> backwards hat. Augusta members everywhere were seen fainting onto sofas in their ball gowns. And finally, someone asked him to please turn his hat around. Rickie said "But it's so that people can see my face better." And the member said, look at all these fainting members, please turn it back. And so he did.
1) Easily my favorite infraction is mustache-legend and broadcaster Gary McCord who, in 1994, joked that Augusta used bikini wax to get their greens so slick. He then doubled down and used the term "body bags" in reference to a particularly troubling area of the course. Augusta officials, who don't like to be reminded of personal grooming habits or the insinuation that they bury their enemies beneath the hallowed pine straw of Augusta, removed Gary from the broadcast team! This is some Avon Barksdale s#&%.
<PHONE BUZZES—CALLER ID AUGUSTA NATIONAL>
Yes, it seems that by writing this blurb I, too, have been permanently banned from Augusta.
Bummer.
Scottie Scheffler is #1
A MASSIVE DAY FOR SCOTTS EVERYWHERE
Trigger warning to any dads who want their child to play golf, DO NOT WATCH THE ABOVE CLIP! I REPEAT, DO NOT WATCH THE ABOVE CLIP.
<Wiping tears from my eyes>
Scottie Scheffler absolutely obliterated the record for days between winning your first PGA Tour event and becoming #1 in the World Golf Ranking.
Previous record? Tiger Woods at 252 Days.
Scottie's record? 42.
SCOTT SCOTT SCOTT SCOTT SCOTT SCOTT!!!
On behalf of the 6 different Scotts in my 5th grade class (true story! They numbered us all. I was Scott 3) and Scotts around the globe, we thank you Scottie for putting us on the map once again.
Take that El Tigre!
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OOH, WE TALKIN' LASER TAG??
A man of the people, always.
Never change.
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