Iss. #37 | True Life: I'm a PGA Tour Pro

Iss. #37 | True Life: I'm a PGA Tour Pro

A week in the life of Billy Horschel

 PGA PROS: WHAT DO THEY EVEN DO OFF THE COURSE, ANYWAYS?

Golf Digest roped me in this week with a "Week in the Life" article profiling Billy Horschel and the results... were shocking.

 For starters, Billy's favorite airline is Delta. Because flying private is kinda pricy.

 "A lot of guys go out every night... but that's never been me." - Billy 

 And THEN... hold up, Billy was actually one of the worst PGA pros to follow along for this article, and that was likely the point. 

 I mean I read this thing three times over, just praying I missed some juicy nugget to peek behind the curtains and see how wild the tour actually is. And came up with a whole lotta dimp

 The biggest alarm should've been finding out that his go-to buddy was the human slice of Wonderbread, Brandt Snedeker.

Give me John Rahm's week at the Waste Management Open, reliving his Arizona State days. Give me Phil on the senior tour doing literally anything he wants because he's so infinitely better than the field he doesn't have try. Give me truly any other story, and I'm here for it.  

 Ugh, what a tease.


The Masters enters the fantasy game

 WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK AT AUGUSTA TRYING THINGS!

As the world continues to come to terms with the fact that everyone loves gambling on sports and the less people that stand in our way, the better...


<Augusta National has entered the chat>

  The Masters is kicking off their first fantasy golf game for next weekend's tournament and awarding some pretty legit prizes too. 

 Their twist is you have to select one newbie, one champion, one American and one international players for your squad. 

The prizes include a signed Masters flag by this year's champion, more Masters swag than you can handle and my personal favorite—these DOPE Masters garden gnomes for my non-existent garden.

And in the spirit of competition, let's get a little friendly rivalry going for all my faithful Breakfast Ball readers out there.

 BAD BIRDIE - BREAKFAST BALLERS MASTERS POOL 

 The champion will get TEN UNRELEASED BAD BIRDIE POLOS. You read that right. No green jacket, but the top dog will be flossing on the course in exclusive threads.

 And, twist my arm, I'll play one hole of golf for every player that finishes better than me. Unless I win and then I'll play a hole of golf for every player that finished underneath me. 

 FINE, I'LL DO IT!


PGA Tour Superlatives 

 MOST LIKELY TO... TOSS OUT A "NICE" IN HIS BORAT VOICE AND DEMAND A HIGH FIVE AFTER EVERY CRUSHED DRIVE

Aaron Wise


This week on Golf Reddit 

 SNACK TIME WITH THE SUBREDDIT

I love snacking. No doubt about that. And when I saw this thread pop up talking on-course snacks, I expected the world. 

 Here are some of my favorite exchanges...

Kicking it off with a Costco freezer bag tip AND size for reference line about proper storage in a golf bag. However, the real "chee to his toast" comes by the eloquently worded response "Freakin love Costco pizza." 

 Truer words have never been spoken.

Absolutely love the name mixup, thinking they were from Texas and not just someone who is terrible at chipping... 

 But, as is often the case on Reddit, the real beauty comes in the response as TexasWedgeExpert treads the line beautifully between hardcore lol-ing at the person thinking he was from TX but also highly usable intel on proper gummy bear storage on the course. 

 A master wordsmith.

Took the time to not only post and make sure to clarify the proper pb&j lineage—but capped it off with a bashful "don't ask." 

 And I'm thrilled to report that no one did.


Plucked fresh from our feed...

 BADDEST BIRDIE OF THE WEEK

When we tell you that these polos are literal hole-in-one machines... we MEAN they are literalllllly hole-in-one MACHINES.

 Case in point, @mbalsom at Seagate Country Club carding his second ace. Well, third ace if we're counting that polo, too.


What's on BBTV? 

 DOGS AT THE TURN: FREAKY FRIDAY EDITION

Much like the teen movie genre in the early 2000's or the bun on Bill's dog—when you start feel things go a big stale, you BODY SWAP! 

 This week's Dogs at the Turn we welcome the star of #2's with Bill... Bill! And he got a doozy of a dog out at Coronado Golf Course. 

 Come for Bill's impression of Charles, stay for whatever the f%#& Krooks is doing in the background.


Want to re-heat some leftover Breakfast Balls?

 Check out our blog and dig in.


Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published