"If somebody wants to pay us to come out here and play golf, that’s great, I’m not going to say no to it." - Scottie Scheffler responding to the insufferable ongoing narratives around being paid for the Ryder Cup... or my feelings at large to anyone listening.
 
**PROGRAMMING NOTE: Great to be back after a little Black Friday hiatus. As it turns out, the hiatus was timed perfectly seeing as we welcomed the newest member to the family foursome—our second son, Russell, has arrived!
 
What this means for you? Increasingly unhinged content as I battle sleep deprived evenings, days, and everything in between.

 

Golf flyover meditation videos... make it a series 

I FOUND MY SLEEP STORY

Golf Digest dropped an absolutely stunning 15 minute long drone video touring Royal County Down. And I honestly couldn't have introduced it better than they did so here's what they wrote...

"Royal County Down, where golf has existed since 1889, is the embodiment of everything we dream links golf should be, with emerald pathways frolicking up and down through high, sandy dunes and darting mischievously around deep, eyebrowed bunkers as the wind bellows sternly off the North Sea with a landscape of wispy fescue and gorse. With the Mountains of Mourne looming mistily above, the journey begins and ends at the foot of the town of Newcastle, its rooftops and church spires a reminder that golf in the United Kingdom is woven into the everyday fiber of these coastal villages in ways players from elsewhere can never fully understand. It is, in a word, enchanting."
 
Which already had my mind in the most serene of places as I imagined strolling the course. Then I pressed play... (by the way, click through the image above if you want to watch for yourself.)
 
The footage is incredible though if you've seen any sort of flyover golf p*@# before, I don't know if it's any better than the other premium ones.
 
Where it shines is that Iona Stephen narrates. Iona is a host for Sky Sports and golf commentator who's pleasant Irish accent transports you right into the screen. And within about 30 seconds I already found my eyes drooping into a state of zen.
 
Which brought my attention to the fact that as I prepare for plenty of long nights ahead as a father to another newborn, are golf course flyover sleep stories the secret multi-million dollar business idea I've been looking for?
 
Imagine a series of audio-only tracks where local narrators give you a brief course intro before poetically walking you through the entire layout.
 
I literally just deleted this section in a panic because of how strongly I love this idea and not wanting it to be stolen... but also, there's next to zero chance I pull this off so if it means I get what I want—then have at it.
 
Maybe toss me a consulting fee or something? Papa needs diapers.

 

Checking in on The Match

SPAGHETTI, MEET WALL

The Match Superstars aired its first two-day event a few weeks back—and seeing as it was on during a working day, I was able to watch essentially none of it. As opposed to my usual amount of viewership on weekends/evenings which—actually—is also essentially none.
 
What I did catch were the made-for-social spots they released throughout the week and WOW are they trying absolutely anything. We are only a few more editions out from this devolving into some sort of 90s era Nickelodeon game show where Wayne Gretzky and Ray Allen wear head-to-toe green jumpsuits and have to crawl through an oversized wax-filled ear to grab a flag and win tickets to SeaWorld before attempting a 20 foot double breaker for birdie.
 
They had 1v1 trivia contests, a "how long can you bounce a ping pong ball on a paddle" contest, a "how strong is your grip" contest, and a bowling contest where they hit stingers with various clubs from their bag to try and knock down the pins.
 
My only real question is: What did they pay these guys????
 
I think it may be time to hang it up—unless the upcoming Bryson/Brooks/Scottie/Rory is watchable...

 

Kirkland balls are aces

MEET THE REAL COSTCO GUY

From TikTok curiosity to eye-roll inducing ear worms, the Costco guys are really having their moment. My favorite appearance of their current circuit easily being when they went on Jimmy Fallon. Even he got tired of the schtick by about halfway through the interview...
 
Anywho, this story isn't about those Costco guys but instead a user on Reddit who hit a hole in one with a Kirkland ball—and was rewarded "handsomely" for it.
The fact that he even emailed Costco corporate with this is legendary. Apparently he emailed Callaway too as he hit the hole in one with a Callaway wedge.
 
And then the deadpan response from Ron takes it over the top. I will pass this information to our buyers?? Is Ron the store manager? 
 
Imagine that internal process. Ron has to Slack his coworkers asking if anyone knows where he should go with this information. The clerk from the wrong department, who gets that hopeless Slack from Ron, sighs and agrees to help by passing it along to the actual person who manages purchasing for golf balls. Then THAT person rolls their eyes because they now have to submit a free product claim with the manufacturer but they're not sure what accounting code to book it under so it's not deducted as lost product. So they Slack someone from accounting who shrugs their shoulders and says just book it as damaged product. All so that this dude can get...
Two dozen free balls and a handwritten note on office stationery.
 
Which I make fun of, but also, would've loved. It's the little things sometimes—and bless Ron for sending that Slack!

 

What's on BB"TV" this week?

COURSE MANAGEMENT: CHAPTER TWO

Course Management is back and for those who are just catching up, a few weeks ago I read the story linked here and was inspired to create a fictional TV show/book I guess? based on the plot.
 
I tasked ChatGPT to help in brainstorming and we're now co-writing a weekly installment season of said show. And that's about it. Pop back and read Issue 219 if you want to start from the beginning, otherwise let's check back in with the team...
COURSE MANAGEMENT
by Bad Birdie Scott (and Chat GPT)
 
Chapter 2
 
Mornings at The Oak & Ivy, the club's "upscale" dining room, were usually predictable. That suited Margot Hitchens just fine. At fifty-two, she liked things a certain way—her coffee brewed weak (to somehow justify her very clear caffeine addiction), the ketchup labels facing the same direction (to pay homage to her late husband's affinity for military-level precision), and drama kept to a minimum (which was something she liked to say out loud but, perhaps, secretly could use more of). 

Across from her, Simone Waters, a club waitress—and 20 year old daughter of one of the club members—attempts to spin her tray on a finger.
 
A repair technician emerges from the freezer.

"Well? What's the story?" Margot asks.
 
"I'm not sure you've got the clearance to hear that," the technician deadpans.
 
"It's a broken freezer. What's clearance got to do with it? Is my meat going to rot or not?" her tone quickly boiling.
 
The technician shrugs, "Eh, what do I care? Yeah you've got, like, a couple pounds of pot in there that messed with the temperature intake."
 
Simone lets the tray drop to the floor as her eyes widen, her curiosity now fully piqued. "Wait, drama!"
 
Margot looks to Simone with an accusing glare.
 
"Don't look at me. Pot makes me super anxious. Tried it once and spent an hour in a broom closet listening to water run through the pipes. This before I sat on a toilet for two hours convinced I was going to wet my pants at any moment," Simone elaborates, "I'm not really a "drug" kind of person."
 
Margot breathes heavy, "God bless it. Well, now what am I supposed to do?"
 
"Pay this within 30 days. There's some website, I think," the technician rips off his invoice, hands it to her, and shoulders his bag before walking out, "Enjoy your pot."
 
End of Chapter 2