Breakfast Balls enthusiasts—there are only TWO more issues between now and #200!!
And in the spirit of the Netflix original reality series, Selling OC, picture me bashfully ringing a giant bell at Bad Birdie HQ in recognition for hitting such an incredible milestone as Bill and designer Michael fake clap to the side, counting down the moments until they can talk about me behind my back set to an AI-generated, Kesha sound-alike track.
In the meantime, I'll be asking a series of questions at the end of each week's issue to help get ready. So if you'll do your best Oppenheimer twins impression—squeezed into a boys size XS sailor shirt—I'd appreciate any and all responses as I will definitely have a heavy reader-contributed portion to the issue.
Now, let's get back to our normal programming.
Little callback to Issue 196...
ANOTHER MEATY INTRO
Let me start by saying, for the most part, I'm a sucker for a brand collab or stunt marketing moment. They're usually quite creative and when it comes to golf, they typically feature some left-field brands. (The 7-11 merch drop last year was pretty sick.)
And there's Arby's.
Last week, Arby's announced they were giving away Burger Drivers taking "the craftsmanship and oversized design of Arby’s Deluxe Burger and turn[ing] it into a powerful part of your golf arsenal."
Sure, the whole thing is tongue in cheek and I know Arby's doesn't take itself seriously. I just would've liked to see 4 ounces (aka a quarter pound) more thought put into the giveaway to help connect with golf.
In Food & Wine, yes, THE Food & Wine, Arby’s chief marketing officer said, “We know that our burgers have what it takes to drive away the competition and put a little sizzle in fans’ golf swings, and now we can’t wait to see our new Burger Driver add some extra flavor to the fairway!”
Am I being too critical? Obviously. But the whole thing felt so cheap and I'm protective of our game! Why not partner with a real equipment brand like Cobra to 3D print a burger shaped driver you could actually hit?
Whatever, this was weird. Also, for those who watched the clip—please hire talent that know how to swing a club. Biggest pet peeve in golf marketing.
What is going on over there?
YO, IS NBC SPORTS OK?
No, that's not one of those fake news articles that junk news sites put at the bottom of the feed as click bait. Talking about miracle diet programs or aliens walking among shopping malls in Miami. (SIDE NOTE: What a ride that week was on TikTok. My algorithm really overindexed on the Miami aliens story and I'm ashamed to admit it started to make me semi-suspicious. If you're lost, look up Miami mall shadow aliens.)
This is a very real headline on NBC's golf page. Reporting that Scottie showed up on Thursday looking different. Apparently Jordan Spieth got a haircut before a major back in 2018, too. So there was a precedent, thankfully.
The article was 89 words long.
For context, this section is 128 words and counting.
Someone help.
Speaking of character count...
BROOKS ONLY AGREEING TO TEXT INTERVIEWS RN
After he bogeyed three late ones on Thursday to finish at even par, Brooks declined to do any media afterwards. However, GolfWeek reporter, Eamon Lynch, decided to ask for a text interview instead... and Brooks said why not?
I'll grab my favorite one-liners below, but from Brooks POV, I get it. The media interview thing for a majority of golfers is pretty meaningless. Rarely do they say anything interesting. So if your Brooks, you don't have to answer to anyone at the PGA anymore and you aren't in the best of moods after squandering an impressive opening round—don't interview. Who cares?
MY FAVORITE LINES FROM BROOKS' TEXT INTERVIEW
- When asked why he opted out of interviews: "I opted not to do ‘em just because I didn’t feel like it...The lack of creativity with questions is kinda boring... it’s not like anyone will notice. LOL."
Love that he hit him with an LOL on the opening question. How perfectly "text"-y.
- When asked if he had a score in mind for himself moving forward: "Yes, the best one."
Brooks to a T. - When asked if he would do interviews later in the tournament: "When you have five majors you can skip another day if ya want. LOL."
Another LOL and oh so swaggy with the five major drop. -
The conclusion:
Brooks: "I’m good at removing myself from the situation and understanding as a fan."
Eamon: "We can test that theory tomorrow. Creatively, of course."
Brooks: "Your not creative."
Eamon: "You're"
Brooks: "Thanks, Dad."
I'm in love with the text interview format. In a world where press conferences are just ten flavors of the same, I actually think texting lets the athletes be more of themselves.
You can tell so much just by if they use hah, ha, LOL, lol, emojis. Not to mention spelling, formality, etc.
You can tell so much just by if they use hah, ha, LOL, lol, emojis. Not to mention spelling, formality, etc.
Now, if only I knew some professional golfers who loved Bad Birdie...
Let's hear it for the Open format
SALINDA IN THE FIELD!
Where else in sports do you get a professional league that holds a championship-quality event and allows anyone a chance to earn their way in?
It's a pretty friggin cool concept.
And the result is that absolute ballers like our own Isaiah Salinda find themselves T16 after day one. Yes, T16 alongside Brooks, Collin, Tommy, the list goes on and on.
I'll be crossing fingers, toes and everything, that by the time you read this, he's climbing even higher with a stellar Friday score.
The other result is videos like this from the US Open qualifying—where the country's best golfers play local tracks to scratch and claw their way to an invite. The emphasis here on "local tracks". And "no ropes". And "can someone come get their man?"
The clip begins with the TV chyron saying that this guy needs to make the putt to stay in the playoff.
Behind him, alone, wobbling, holding up his phone to capture the moment, is the guy in black with a cup in his mouth. Directly behind and definitely in the eyeline.
Then the golfer proceeds to lip out the putt and the beer guy is devastated.
I'll say it again, where else do you get these moments in professional sports??
#200 approaches...
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
As I teased at the start, the countdown to Breakfast Balls Issue #200 is on!
To say I know EXACTLY what I'm doing for it would be a biiiiiiiit of a stretch. But what I do know is that I'll need your help because it will feature a heavy dose of you—the readers.
So over the next few issues, I'll end each week with a simple question or prompt for you to answer. I'll choose some of my favorites to feature in the 200th issue and have some handsome prizes for those who make the cut!
Last week I asked: What are your favorite three sources (besides BB) for golf news and/or entertainment? (Videos, podcasts, websites, publications, social accounts, etc.)
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
In the length of a Tweet (or a NBC Sports news article about Scottie getting a haircut), describe the best round of golf you've ever played?
No, making your Tweets into a thread won't count. Keep it short, people.
Have a Breakfast Balls-worthy tip? Reading any good golf books? Want to play some G?
Hit me up! The hot line is always open.
Want to re-heat some leftover Breakfast Balls?
Check out our blog and dig in.
