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Breakfast Balls enthusiasts—there are only four more issues between now and #200!!
And in the spirit of Arrested Development, picture me prancing around on a stage like Gob Bluth and Final Countdown is blaring in the background.
In the meantime, I'll be asking a series of questions at the end of each week's issue to help get ready. So if you'll do your best Buster impressions, I'd love any and all responses as I will definitely have a heavy reader-contributed portion to the issue.
Now, let's get back to our normal programming.
What a nothing burger this was...
SCHEFFLER GETS OFF SCOTT-FREE
We can all rest easy as the legal matter that's gripped America finally came to a close this week...
Scottie Scheffler had all charges dropped!
I'm going to tell my kids that the term Scott-Free was in reference to this historic event.
That said, I did some digging (aka light Googling) to discover that the actual term is spelled Scot-free and apparently ties back to an early Icelandic word "skot" meaning tax or payment.
To be honest, this seemed like the most inevitable series of events for this entire ordeal. Not a single detail of this made sense from the jump and when the subject in question is the #1 golfer in the world... there was zero chance he was going to be showing up in Louisville for a court date.
And in true Scottie fashion, he wishes the arresting officer "no ill will."
The officer, in response, basically called Scottie a stand-up guy for not completely ruining his life. And then made a joke about police pants costing $80 because he ripped his during the "scuffle."
Yes, we went through this entire debacle and all we got was a ripped my pants joke. Lame.
Lexi is retiring
WHAT DID YOU DO BY 30?
At the US Women's Open this week, Lexi Thompson announced her retirement from full-time professional golf. She cited mental health as a key factor, sharing how lonely it can be on Tour—especially considering she's been competing in tournaments since age 7.
To help fill in just how crazy her career has been... and she still isn't even 30... here are some wild facts.
- She qualified for her first US Open at age 12—meaning this is her 17th time competing in the US Open... and again... she is NOT 30!
- She won her first LPGA tournament at age 16.
- She won her first major at age 19.
- She became the 7th woman EVER to play on the men's tour when she competed in the Shriners Open late last year.
Now, she did just sign a deal with Maxfli—everyone makes mistakes—about four months ago. And from the quotes from her press conference it appears that she might continue playing in a limited capacity. So likely will not be the last time we see her play—but, similar to the Rachel Heck news I wrote about last week, kudos to her for knowing her limits and just saying enough.
People are going to study this turnaround
EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT BRYSON
I'm not sure when or how it happened—but I think I like Bryson. It's possible that the progression has been slow, so I just didn't pay attention to it. But the realization hit me during the PGA Championship when I found myself rooting for (and investing funds in) Bryson to win it.
And ever since, it's been one giant Baader-Meinhof phenomenon aka when you learn something or hear something and then suddenly you start seeing that thing everywhere. I am seeing him everywhere on social media and I get the sense that broader golf culture has come around on him too.
Another odd metaphor to use here is that Family Guy joke I've mentioned in the past where Peter hurts his knee, writhing in pain. But the joke keeps going and going so it becomes unfunny before becoming funny again because they committed so hard.
That's exactly how I feel. His antics used to be fun before he went full Muscle Milk on us. Then suddenly it felt like he was trying too hard to be liked—which collided with Brooks' rise and so you had to choose sides there. But now, he's fun to me again.
In a world where the Tour is jam packed with guys that seemingly either have literally no personality or are so shy and introverted that we'd never see it even if we tried... Bryson rises above.
I mean, this is what he's choosing to do on his days off...
Sophia Poppin' Off
ACE ALERT AT THE US OPEN
It's got to be clothes, Cotton.
From 205! yards out on the par 3 8th—Bad Birdie athlete and major champion Sophia Popov drained an ace during the opening round of the US Women's Open!
Some top notch announcing as well...
"Became a mom last June and... oh, baby!"
Cut to: ball rolling in.
Separately, Charley Hull is on the verge of something really special if she can figure out how to maintain this "rippin' dart" momentum. If you hadn't seen the viral photo, click this link. The gist is that she was signing autographs during practice rounds with a lit cigarette hanging out of her mouth. The energy is OOZING with John Daly DGAF swag and would love if she doubles down on the rough around the edges, female Daly persona.
#200 approaches...
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
As I teased at the start, the countdown to Breakfast Balls Issue #200 is on!
To say I know EXACTLY what I'm doing for it would be a biiiiiiiit of a stretch. But what I do know is that I'll need your help because it will feature a heavy dose of you—the readers.
So over the next few issues, I'll end each week with a simple question or prompt for you to answer. I'll choose some of my favorites to feature in the 200th issue and have some handsome prizes for those who make the cut!
Last week I asked: Why do you love golf? And I could not have been more pleased with the answers. 99% genuine too which surprised me, because some of you like to prank me with some insane emails.
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
Playing off the new BB section a few weeks back...
What is one golf-themed phrase that doesn't exist? Include the phrase and example of it in a sentence or fake conversation.
An example for those who don't remember:
"Is that slope adjusted?" – used to confirm whether someone's ETA is actually true.
"I'll be there in 15." - You
"Is that slope adjusted?" - Me
"Okay, more like 25 because I've got to grab gas still." - You
"Is that slope adjusted?" - Me
"Okay, more like 25 because I've got to grab gas still." - You
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