Breakfast Balls enthusiasts—there are only five more issues between now and #200!!
“I’m shocked and surprised,” said Joe Wilson, a local golfer. "This doesn’t happen on Patty Jewett.”
Duh, Joe.
And in the spirit of The Bear Season 3 returning soon-ish, picture me workin' the burners back in the kitchen trying to cook up something real special for you all.
In the meantime, I'll be asking a series of questions at the end of each week's issue to help get ready. So if you'll do your best sous chef impressions, I'd love any and all responses as I will definitely have a heavy reader-contributed portion to the issue.
Now, let's get back to our normal programming.
For visiting or joining...
WHAT MAKES A DREAM GOLF CLUB?
Golf Monthly recently shared a pair of articles where one of their writers Fergus Bisset outlined what his perfect golf club would be like—and then Katie Dawkins offered another vision that took into account what "women would care about."
After reading them both... Katie knows what's up. Fergus based 90% of his on the golf course itself, detailing how the links layouts would work etc. But, to me, if I'm going to spend the money to join some magical club... there better be way more than a golf course to draw me in. And that's where Katie's version ran laps around poor Fergus.
I'll highlight a few of my favorite features below and then I threw it all into DALL-E to imagine what it might look like.
Starting with the entrance above, Katie asked for a grand drive that offered a few peeks at the course on the way in. And I agree completely. Likely a result of the lack of actual land to build on, but so many of the LA-area clubs have these dinky driveways or gates that immediately open to their parking lots.
No theater!
No grandeur!
No mystery!
Next up was Katie's take on the locker room.
Her main point was to make it look like a spa. And I had to admit, whenever I'd picture my dream club locker room, I would've said classic New England wooden lockers, deep green carpet, everything is super dark with maybe a hint of the library from Beauty and the Beast.
But spas are designed to be a relaxing oasis—why wouldn't you want that in your club??
DALL-E went a little heavy on the greenery, but I don't hate the natural spin. What it nailed was the absurd amount of free product on hand for all your grooming needs.
Katie nailed it on the breakfast area.
"I’d join a club for the good coffee, I’m not even joking. A serious barista is on hand to make a flat white."
Genuine question—has anyone ever had an above average coffee experience at a golf course? I honestly can't remember ever enjoying coffee from a golf course before and if I had the time, energy, money, or ambition—this seems like a killer business idea.
Why couldn't you create a coffee cart like they have on film studio lots or farmer's markets and set up shop outside of busy, higher end golf courses? I always pick up Starbucks on the way to a morning round—but if I knew I could get a premium-quality coffee hot and ready as I warmed up... you could get an embarrassing amount of money from me.
"The round will end and I won’t feel too upset that I haven’t played my best as I feel totally refreshed thanks to the environment. If I’ve had a good game even better. What I’m saying is that my dream club makes me feel like I’m taking time for me."
As it relates to the 19th hole, post-round experience—truer words have never been spoken.
She mentioned a bunch about a great wine list and a "superfood" salad—so that's where DALL-E went with it. But overall, I want relaxation and a great view of the course so we can critique everyone's game while conveniently forgetting the three OB drives I had on the back nine.
Note that I did not touch what the actual golf course would look like because all we need to know is that it will be an idyllic playground for golf freaks. Just no canyon courses please... that's all I ask. Also, DALL-E is pretty awful at creating realistic golf layouts. It all ends up looking like a Pop Stroke...
Katie's final feature was a family friendly area:
"A staffed 'Kids Club' would be epic, allowing more time for members to play golf."
I clearly don't belong to a private club but it's my understanding that the childcare thing is largely addressed. But come on, look at this playground! Just have to figure out how to prevent people from hitting skulled 9 irons directly into little Timmy's skull on the climbing wall...
Bones parted ways
TRUE CRIME: GOLF
No, this isn't a story about Justin Thomas parting ways with his caddie "Bones" back in April.
Apparently, someone at a course in Colorado discovered literal bones in the creek just 100 yards from the clubhouse.
They did, however, keep the 27-hole course open despite the ongoing homicide investigation happening around the 6th hole. I guess one could argue it's another benefit to creating more 27 hole courses... as you can always shift play to the other two 9-holers?
I bring this all up for two reasons—
1) Jack is obsessed with Halloween and talks constantly about how we all will be ghosts, zombies, and skeletons for Halloween this year... so any mention of bones and my mind immediately starts playing these absolutely INSUFFERABLE Blippy Halloween songs. And if I don't talk about it out loud then I'm just stuck in this awful ear worm loop.
2) There was an incredible quote in the news article;
“I’m shocked and surprised,” said Joe Wilson, a local golfer. "This doesn’t happen on Patty Jewett.”
Duh, Joe.
I would hope that this level of police activity is not common at any golf course.
Did someone say "bones"?
MEET BLUE HILLS CC "DOGGOINTENDANT"
Korn Ferry social team kind of phoned it in on the caption...
But come on! If you're going to deal with me talking about some light murder then you deserve some solid dog content.
Blue Hills Country Club is where Harry Higgs just won on the Korn Ferry Tour last week and apparently they've got an adorable golden retriever as their course mascot.
That said, I would love to hear more about these kind of quirks throughout the golf season. Tournaments are often in such random locations across the country—even more so on the lower tier Tours—and you know there's all sorts of local lore and personality.
And if you're the John Deere Classic or {INSERT RANDOM CORPORATE SPONSOR HERE} Invitational in YouNeverHeardOfUs, Oklahoma... why aren't you trying to figure out some weird stuff to talk about and brand your venue with.
Give me a course that serves full size turkey legs at the halfway house.
Give me a course with a collection of three dozen armadillos that they've rescued and are rehabilitating.
Maybe I'll add that to my perfect golf club idea too.
Going out on top
A HECK OF AN ENDING
The NCAA Women's Championships wrapped up this week with the Stanford Cardinal taking down the title against fellow finalist UCLA. The NCAAs are an absolutely punishing gauntlet—the format features four rounds of stroke play followed by three rounds of match play, for a total of 126 holes in six days for the eventual finalists.
Down a Rose Zhang, Stanford was still the top overall seed. It helps when the roster is loaded and includes the likes of Rachel Heck who, as a freshman, was the first in history to hold a scoring average under 70. She won the Annika Award as the top women’s collegiate golfer and took home the NCAA individual title, again, as a freshman.
What really blew my mind is that Rachel will not be turning pro, so the title this year was her swan song. She battled some pretty intense injuries during the last few years and in an essay she wrote for No Laying Up shared that she didn't "want a life on the road and in the public eye."
GOOD FOR HER
Without any context I was initially shocked she was ending her career. But digging into the details, it's super impressive that she was able to have the self-awareness to just know enough is enough—and move on.
Good luck to Rachel as she begins her career at global investment firm KKR (can't wait to hear how those company golf outings go) AND she's also completing Air Force ROTC and will become a lieutenant.
Some people are built different... and some people took beer and wine appreciation, tennis, golf, and intro to zookeeping their senior year of college.
ALSO
Shout out to BB Rushmore Krissy Carman's Oregon Ducks who made the Final Four of the match play stage!
#200 approaches...
THE FINAL COUNTDOWN
As I teased at the start, the countdown to Breakfast Balls Issue #200 is on!
To say I know EXACTLY what I'm doing for it would be a biiiiiiiit of a stretch. But what I do know is that I'll need your help because it will feature a heavy dose of you—the readers.
So over the next few issues, I'll end each week with a simple question or prompt for you to answer. I'll choose some of my favorites to feature in the 200th issue and have some handsome prizes for those who make the cut!
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION...
Why do you love golf?
Have a Breakfast Balls-worthy tip? Reading any good golf books? Want to play some G?
Hit me up! The hot line is always open.
Want to re-heat some leftover Breakfast Balls?
Check out our blog and dig in.
