Happy (almost) Halloween everyone! To my youngest readers, I hope you have a weekend packed with full-size candy bars—unless trick or treating goes down on Monday and then... I guess I don't have anything for you at all.
THE BB TWILIGHT ZONE ISSUE
If a 5th grader were to dream up your first PGA start...
NIGHTMARE FUEL
Golf Digest tipped me off to a story Tony Finau recently shared with Andrew Johnston aka BEEEEEEF on his podcast.
Apparently, in Tony's first start of his rookie season at the Frys.com Open. (What is Frys.com? I assume Fry's Electronics but when I typed frys.com into my search bar, it returned nothing... almost like when someone calls your house in a horror movie and you can only hear the sound of breathing.)
Sorry, sidetrack, so in his first start—Tony is teeing off on the 1st hole.
"There’s a nice little crowd around and I tee my ball up and they announce my name. And as soon as I take the club back … I ripped one of the loudest farts you’ve ever heard.”
Yes, mid-swing mind you, Tony lets one absolutely rip then proceeds to snap-hook his ball OB. Meaning he has to then re-tee!!! in front of the laughing crowd and play the shot again.
A scenario that's obviously that of nightmares but with a eerie spin to it almost like a 5th grader were the one pulling the strings. Something you could only find... in the BB Twilight Zone?
A tee shot to kill
THE QUOTE SO GOOD THEY MADE A PLAQUE
This week's PGA Tour event is taking place at Port Royal Golf Course in Bermuda.
Must be nice.
Or is it????
Because in fact only one player within the top 50 is even attending the event. Suspicious, some could say, for a tournament in what seems to be paradise.
And then I came across a nugget saying there is a plaque on the infamous 235 yard, par 3, 16th hole tee box quoting Lucas Glover.
"Man, I’ve never been so nervous on a shot"
They say that the skeletons of over 100,000 ProV1s lie at the bottom of that bay.
Today on r/golf...
MWAHAHAHAHAHA
<OMINOUS THUNDER CLAP>
Actually this is just super cool.
I could write up some story of a witch conjuring this mid-round and try to turn it into some joke—but I kept getting transfixed by this lightning pattern on the ground.
Easily one of the most epic golf pictures I've ever seen.
Also, a gentle reminder to not play in a thunderstorm. Sorry, the protective dad in me had to say it. Which honestly, may be the scariest addition to this piece. My mind went directly to a public service warning.
Where did my dangerous side go!?
Speaking of dangerous, did you guys catch the final episode of RHOBH reunion? Do not cross Kathy Hilton.
I need help.
Forget Freddy v. Jason
BROOKSY V. LEFTY
Villain origin stories always come back to moments of humiliation.
And the presser for this week's LIV event, offering a $50M purse like it's monopoly money, brought perhaps the reincarnation of villain Brooks.
The context? Team captains for this week's event get to select their opening round opponent—a schoolyard style rule that's sure to provide bulletin board material aplenty. A reporter asked Brooks who he was considering and Phil interjected...
“If you want a rematch of the ’21 PGA you could pick our team,” Mickelson said.
To which Koepka retorted, “… you’ve never been No. 1 in the world.”
But it's within the eyes of Brooks, as Phil reminded him of his miraculous 2021 PGA Championship, that you see the villain truly become enraged.
Brooks has admittedly been a bit tame for quite some time, whether it's injuries or trying to duck and weave through "the LIV stuff" or maybe he's just been doing the wedding year dip-out. A patented move I highly recommend to anyone getting married within the next year or two. Start to dip out of fringe people's lives and then when those people don't get the wedding invite—the cut stings a little less.
Anyway, long story short, I watched this interaction and got the same kind of chills as when Jason's hand shoots out of the water to let us all know... he ain't dead yet!
"Welp—I joined the office fantasy league" update
easy rod... EASY ROD... EASYYY ROD!
To those who actually get the Super Troopers reference in this section header, I salute you. We probably would be great friends.
But the spirit of that quote is very much my head right now. I've tasted victory, I know I shouldn't get excited, and yet... I'm about to get out of this police cruiser and call the league a chicken $*&^#@.
Lots to work on. Still can't pick the right QB to save my life each week. But... I'm not in last place or even last place adjacent in the future projections, so that's got to mean something!
Who's (hopefully) getting the smoke this week?.
Let's meet my opponent System Specializers aka Bad Birdie Brandon
(the team name must be an inside joke?)
Title
Systems and Operations Lead (lol, oh wait, I get the name now)
Hometown
Glendale, AZ
Favorite NFL Team
Arizona Cardinals; it's a painful relationship but I must endure. (How about that Kyler v. Kliff match?!)
Most likely team in our league to offer a garbage trade?
Scott...didn’t you try to send me Dalvin Cook earlier this year? That dude’s washed. (Finally, someone calls me out. Full disclosure I offer about 10-15 trades a week and 99% are met with cold rejection. A shock it took this long.)
Person you most want to beat in the league?
Hailey, she was caught in Slack saying that Fantasy is 100% luck and that's just not acceptable. (This tracks.)
Person you most regret drafting?
Derek Carr, why doesn’t he just throw it to Davante every play? (If only real life were Madden.)
Favorite club in the bag?
Mizuno 4 Hybrid.. Off the tee, off the fairway, on the green? Why not, it does it all. (Calls out the club manufacturer? Someone wants a sponsorship...)
Worst club in the bag?
4 Iron, please see response above, everything it can do she can do better. (But who makes the club??)
Favorite BB polo pattern?
Operation Midnight. (Not gonna lie, this may be in my top 3 as well. Friggin' legit pattern.)
Favorite part of Breakfast Balls?
Catching up on your gradual decline into Fantasy Football despair, thank god I’m not last, respectfully. (Respectfully, I hope I bury you. But even more respectfully, yeah I imagine this has been fun to watch.)
Have a Breakfast Balls-worthy tip? Secrets to teaching an infant to love golf from day one?
Hit me up! The hot line is always open.
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