Iss. #291 | Neuralink Your Way to Scratch?

“She's, like, ‘My lifelong dream's been crushed.’ She's devastated. It was absolutely hilarious.” - Charley Hull on her cousin discovering that Malibu is not actually an IRL version of the movie Barbie 24/7.

Who are you downloading?

A WHOLE NEW MENTAL GAME

Let me begin by stating, this is not true. Elon Musk's brain chip implant company Neuralink is not promising you superhuman athletic abilities in 18 months.

That's not to say that I didn't spend at least a few hours believing it WAS true before reminding myself to fact check absolutely everything I see anywhere. And even Google's AI search feature was like, hah, no you idiot, Neuralink isn't doing this.

HOWEVER, we can entertain the thought that a game as mentally complex and demanding as golf COULD... THEORETICALLY... be improved with a brain chip implant that is able to help you communicate and organize thoughts.

For instance, will it help me literally swing my club like Rory? No. Will it help me narrow down the 204 swing thoughts I have to a hyperfocused, zen-like, tempo town state? Maybe. 

And that's just enough reason that I need to let Elon have at it. Throw a chip in there you crazy son of a @#&*%—if you can knock me down to a 2 handicap, then I'm in.

Action on Action

HOSPITALITY TENTS HAVE JUMPED THE SHARK

What you are witnessing is an innovation in golf hospitality that I never could've dreamed I needed. And it's now all I can think about.

Thanks to this X post by Rich O'Toole, it has come to my attention that The CJ Cup Byron Nelson offers a hospitality tent off the 16th green where guests can enjoy full air conditioning, premium buffet, open bar... and, oh yeah, a fully working casino complete with blackjack and craps.

I'm a sucker for a casino alright, but the idea of spending my day gambling, eating, drinking, AND watching live golf right out the front window... how do I get a press pass for this place???

And that also led me to imagine what other elite-level hospitality experiences could entail:

1) Poolside Viewing—Run it like the Jacksonville Jaguars stadium and give fans the chance to watch the whole tournament in a pool perched next to a green. Throw in a swim up bar and I'd be set for the day.

2) Simulator Viewing—Set up one of those maxxed out putting simulator mats and guests can attempt the exact putt that each pro faces on that hole. Pin locations and undulation would change for each shot, make a giant green complex so a dozen or more people can all putt at same time.

3) Live Sports Betting Viewing—Like a horse race, allow guests to place live bets on the action on that hole. Hook everyone up to a digital wallet and secure connections so you can let that action RIP.

My guy is BACK for the NBA Finals

THE KNICKS—BUT MAKE IT A COUNTRY CLUB

Long time readers know that I LOVE this dude @clubupdesign on Instagram. He creates hypothetical country club logos for major sports franchises and I have yet to see one that isn't a hit.

In honor of the Knick's NBA Finals run, he dropped this gem. 

Starting with the 40s-60s era knickerbocker logo as the base. Dropped in two buttons for the shirt thanks to the titles in '70 and '73. And the orange and blue colorway that obviously speaks to my Syracuse Orange roots... and the Knicks I guess...

I'm floored this guy hasn't started selling these logos on golf gear. You could strip the NYK off this one and conceivably be able to do it without any approval from the Knicks licensing department.

Social Trend of the Week

SCARIEST HORROR MOVIES IN GOLF

As you hopefully know, Breakfast Balls is on social now too! Be sure you're following us on all platforms for some weekly nuggets.

This week, I'm diving into the "My Top 5 Horror Movie" trend:

MY TOP FIVE HORROR MOVIES—IN GOLF

1) Wedding Reception JUST Off the 18th Green

2) Fourth Up in Your Scramble Group... and Everyone Went OB

3) We Just Aerated

4) Tee Box In Front of the Clubhouse Dining Room

5) Cart Path Only Today