This is not a drill.
"WE GOT MERCH!?!" - ME
Most of you are probably wondering if that's me being super silly with a golf ball on my head in the image above... no, that's actually a male model. Easy mistake, though.
And with that out of the way, we can deliver the biggest news story of the week! As of right now, you can rep your favorite f^@&#^& golf newsletter every day of the week with our brand-new and super-exclusive hat.
We got a milestone moment on our hands, people. Breakfast Balls... just got merch! (Alex Myers over at Golf Digest ain't gettin' hats... just saying.)
If this wasn't enough, I've always wanted to write a J. Peterman description for a piece of clothing like Elaine on Seinfeld. So here we go.
Your eyes fly open, on this Saturday morning, frantically searching for the time. It's 4:26am. 2 hours and 4 minutes until your alarm, yet the butterflies in your body know you never needed it anyway. Because the greatest alarm clock ever invented was the knowledge that today you have a tee time.
Polo. Pants. Socks. Shoes. Everything meticulously pre-determined. Your mind wanders to the first tee with the crew. Running through how you plan to win the round before it even begins. How will you let them know the dominance that awaits?
A cloud breaks. And from above a beacon of piercing sun shines on you. Your eyes squint. Is this the heat of competition already bearing down? No. You reach to your bag for solar salvation. Emblazoned with the source of your unbridled confidence, this is your secret weapon today.
Your Breakfast Balls cap.
Because if some guy in San Diego can be so full of himself to write four and a half paragraphs of prose to describe his own hat... damn it if you can't take every single dime from your friends on the course today.
As if you needed any more sweetener...
You can get the hat for FREE with an order of $50 or more using code BREAKFAST.
A newsletter for the people.
A hat for the people.
A price for the people.
The second biggest golf story this week...
LIV MAKIN' MONEY MOVES
The worst-kept secret in golf over the last week or two has been Jon Rahm's impending LIV departure. And, as of writing this, it's all but official.
Reports are that Rahm will get $300+ million as well as an ownership stake in his own LIV team.
While Rahm was on record last year saying he would remain loyal to the PGA Tour, it was clear that the Saudi investment talks back in June and how incredibly bungled the PGA Tour response has been since were major reasons for him souring so quickly.
There are many other smarter, more plugged in voices to weigh in on the implications here. My take? Sad to see him leave, makes 100% sense, and I look forward to everyone being back under one tent again in a year or two once Monahan is canned and a deal is struck.
My actual insight here is more directed at LIV and a realization I came to when I literally wrote the headline to this section. Bodak Yellow by Cardi B popped into my mind off the lyric "makin' money moves." Are we following?
I pulled it up on YouTube. Realized I don't watch any music videos anymore... and guess what?? The entire video takes place in Dubai which is close enough (for my purposes) to Saudi Arabia.
And then I started REALLY listening to the lyrics. Inspiration struck.
Is the entire business philosophy of LIV based on the lyrics to Cardi B's Bodak Yellow? Let's take a look.
"I know they're tired of me / Honestly, don't give a f@#^ / 'Bout who ain't fond of me" - aka Phil's original pressers
"They see pictures, they say, "Goals" /
B@#^&, I'm who they tryna be" - aka every player on PGA Tour ranked 40-200 when they see Talor Gooch with $18M
B@#^&, I'm who they tryna be" - aka every player on PGA Tour ranked 40-200 when they see Talor Gooch with $18M
"I might just chill with your boo / I might just feel on your babe" - aka LIV's player acquisition strategy, see also: Rahm
"Hit the store, I can get 'em both / I don't wanna choose" - aka individual prizes, team prizes, let's do it all!
Food for thought.
Also, where else are you getting this kind of commentary?? Bet you want a hat now, huh?
Roll it back
LET THE PRO-V HOARDING BEGIN
"Big" news this week from the USGA and R&A—two organizations that if they were high schoolers playing pick-up basketball would surely call a foul every time you used two arms on their back during a post-up.
We finally got the long-awaited announcement that golf ball performance will be capped starting in 2030.
I'd prefer to spend as little time as possible on this story, frankly. If you scroll Reddit, listen to Tour pro pressers, read the major manufacturer press releases... you'd think that they just ruled we have to go back to playing feather-filled golf balls.
The truth is that at the elite level, this will mean we get to see pros hit more clubs from their bag and they'll actually be challenged by course layouts instead of just cutting corners or bombing their way through.
For the average person's level—almost no difference. Slices will still go 230 yards and OB. Bombed drives will go less than 10 yards shorter. And if that is the difference between you enjoying a round or not... we should go play some time and I'll show you the million other ways golf can be fun without smackin' the @#&^ out of the ball.
NEXT
Grant Thornton Invitational Week
MAKE DECEMBER GIMMICK MONTH
Super pumped that Grant Thornton week is finally here as I'll be catching the mixed pairs action all weekend. Will drop some of my favorite odds below but knowing how lame the Hero World Challenge ended up feeling—can we just petition whoever needs to be petitioned that December becomes gimmick month?
Give me 3-4 tournaments that try something new. Maybe they work. Maybe they don't. But we'd all agree to take some chances with experimenting.
You know what I'd love to see, pros absolutely DUST YouTube golfers.
You know what else I'd love to see, pros take on their hometown munis for the course record—all at the same time. Cut between each of the rounds in separate cities and see how long they can go.
Oh, yeah, and here are
MY FAVORITE GRANT THORNTON ODDS
MY FAVORITE GRANT THORNTON ODDS
Korda/Finau +525 — LOCK
Rickie/Lexi +1300 — A LIVE DOG
Champ/Corpuz +3200 — EVERYONE LOVES A LONGSHOT
Champ/Corpuz +3200 — EVERYONE LOVES A LONGSHOT
Oh, we talkin' gimmicks?!
END OF YEAR MAILBAG INBOUND!
It's no secret that I admire Bill Simmons and all he's created. One of my favorite of his old columns was the mailbag and so I thought, why not give it a try as a 2023 year-end celebration of you all!
So my ask is simple...
1) Buy a hat, lol, jk, but also totally cool if you do
Ask me anything!
Ask about myself, Jack, thoughts on any topic at all, not even golf-related.
Ask about Bad Birdie, the team, product innovations, future releases.
Honestly, don't even need to ask something. I've gotten product innovations before. I've gotten invites to your private country clubs. I've gotten harrowing stories of on-course prowess.
My goal is to compile my favorites and, if you're chosen for the final issue of 2023, I'll send over some free gear!
Have a Breakfast Balls-worthy tip? Secrets to teaching a toddler to love golf? Want to play some G?
Hit me up! The hot line is always open.
Want to re-heat some leftover Breakfast Balls?
Check out our blog and dig in.
