Welcome to the first edition of Breakfast Balls, our new Friday morning newsletter full of half-baked ideas and hair-brained commentary about the game of golf, by some guys who play it. We are by no means experts, professionals, therapists or swing saviors. If you’re looking for tips on how to finally “find the slot" or stop chicken-winging your chips, well, there’s a whole lot of other internet and gimmicky gadgets out there for ya.
Instead, we’ll be serving up a dose of levity and focusing on the finer parts of the game. You know, the taparooskis and bare feet, pick-me-up hot dogs at the turn, and tips for how to cut out of the office (what's that?) early to get a full 18 in without your boss noticing a damn thing. The important stuff. Alright, enough pre-ambling. It’s the last day of a short week, so kick off your shoes, tilt back your chair, crack a cold one and get ready for some hard-earned Breakfast Balls.
BREAKFAST BALLS: VOLUME 1
Let It Rip
A couple weeks ago we got pretty pumped that the PGA tour made its official comeback. Seeing the familiar faces on Sunday's leaderboard felt like the local bar reunion during Thanksgiving break when all your friends come home from college.
"Howdy Brooks and Brooks' stache!
"Nice dad shades Phil!"
"Damn Bryson, can I be your new workout buddy?"
Unfortunately, the Tour's return hasn't been all air high fives and mustache-offs. In fact there's one part of the game that, if we had our way, would've stayed in quarantine FOR. EV. ER. It's a remnant of golf's past and we can't quite wrap our heads around why it ever needed to exist in the first place.
We're talking about the run of the mill, half-hearted, mailed-in golf celebration. You know the flavor:
Don't worry, that putt was just for for 2 million bucks and a major championship victory.
Gary, you're leading The US Open, not getting dismissed from jury duty. Now is NOT the time to act like you've been there before.
Tournament winning celebration or audition for the next shake weight infomercial?
It doesn't have to be like this anymore. We can retire the hand raise, cap tip, and lackluster fist pump right now. Let's give the guys a little freedom to have some fun and honor their insane talent with proper amounts of spice.
So without anyone asking for it, we whipped up a bulletproof 4-point plan to put a lil' giddy up back into the golf celebration.
STEP 1: Be An Athlete
"Good artists steal. Great artists copy." - Pablo Picasso
I think that guy was onto something. We'll defend the heck out of golf being a sport, but the celebrations need to start looking the part.
50 yard punt return or 50 footer to win the US Open?
Imagine DJ holing out from the fairway and hitting 'em with the ol' strut and flip?
Ocho Cinco was day one with the golf cellies.
Coming to a USA Ryder Cup victory near you.
Step 2: Find a Guru
Every friend group has one. The dude who's an early adopter, rocks a ponytail, and just boogies. That man is a guru and on tour his name is Miguel Angel Jimenez. David Attenborough will narrate his documentary one day.
You're telling me this wouldn't be more fun to watch each weekend?
Just let it flow Miggy.
MAJ brings so much thunder to the celebration scene that he literally has to warm up his moves on the range. That's DEDICATION HOLMES.
Step 3: Grab a Wingman
Wingmen have been saving our asses for years. The course should be no different. If you're having an off-day there's no harm in adding "hype man" to your caddy's LinkedIn profile.
We've been dropping The Birdie every time we get anything done in the office today.
Look at how Z. Johnson's caddy lights the match for him. Absolute mastery of craft.
Step 4: Harness the GOAT
If all else fails just let Tiger do his thing.
Perfection is an understatement.
That's how you win.
Tiger even makes dad celebrations look good.
Feels like we're making some serious progress. Now get out there this weekend and start prototyping the next generation of celebrations. Send them to us if you're into that kind of stuff.
We need you. Golf needs you.