Iss. #295 | Golf Phrases That Don't Exist: Fourth of July Edition

"Betting in golf is something that's going to have to be tackled here soon." - Jordan Spieth during a presser this week at the John Deere on how fan's behavior has spiraled in relation to the rise of sports gambling.

And somewhere in the distance you could faintly hear the sound of the entire University of Illinois' fraternities booing him.

Light the fuse and go dangerously low.

GOLF PHRASES THAT DON'T EXIST:
FOURTH OF JULY EDITION

For those who haven't heard, Breakfast Balls has invaded your social feeds with new content coming every week across TikTok and Instagram on our main Bad Birdie channel. An excellent way to get your fix throughout the week... if I do say so myself.

This week, I'm getting in the patriotic spirit with an oldie format—Golf Phrases That Don't Exist. Inspired by a comedy group on TikTok who create everyday life idioms that make total sense but have never been uttered before... why not try it for golf?

Here are some of my favorite 4th of July golf phrases for you to pepper your playing partners with like a handful of those little cherry bomb, gunpowder filled popper things we all are inexplicably allowed to play with as kids. 

1) "We've got a Roman Candle fight on our hands."

When you and your foursome spray 'em everywhere on the same hole.

2) "I pledge allegiance—to the drive and the United States of America."

When you stand up with your hand on your heart after your buddy pipes one.

3) "Save the Big Finish for the back nine."

When your buddy drains a 30 footer on hole two.

4) "I left the burger on there too long."

When you miss a putt that after spending wayyy too much time reading it.

5) "More sparkle, less smoke next time."

When your opponent has chirping you all round and blasts one OB.

For the love of God, seek shelter

THIS IS ONE LUCKY/UNLUCKY DUDE 

An absolutely insane story out of West Linn, Oregon—shout out to my brother in law and his wife who are West Linn residents themselves, stay safe out there—where a golf and lightning story got just a bit more superhuman.

Apparently, last weekend, a call was placed to the Oregon Golf Club pro shop of a golfer who was out playing and asked to be picked up after suffering some burns.

Weird, calling it a day due to sun burn, you might wonder? Nope, the man felt the burning sensations due to... being struck by lightning!

The fireman who was called to respond marveled at the scene because A) When do firefighters ever get called for a lightning strike... B) When do firefighters get a call directly from the man who was struck by lightning.

Yes, someone was struck by lightning, passed out, came to and had the clarity of mind to just give a ring over to the pro shop the same way one might pre-order a hot dog at the turn.

When the crews arrived he was "conscious and alert... just visibly shaken."

This 92 year old could put a lot of YouTubers out of relevance

THE ULTIMATE SLICE FIX... A GLOVE?

Golf Digest profiled this man, Dr. Lawrence Rocks, this week for his COVID-inspired invention that not only might revolutionize the game... but also appears to be USGA compliant.

Before we jump in, a moment of respect for the name. Dr. Rocks is so good. Works both as an all-around doctor as you can imagine him walking into the room with you waiting freezing cold on the butcher paper with catch phrases like—I'm not just good, I rock. But also works if he decided to pivot his career into archaeology too.

Anyways, the actual story is that during COVID Dr. Rocks was slow motion analyzing his swing—as we all might do—but noticed that on slices/hooks it was sometimes the glove at fault and not having proper grip on the club... therefore turning the face and producing a bad shot from what was otherwise a fundamentally sound swing. An excuse I will absolutely start using moving forward.

So he created a new glove with rubber pads to help ensure a sound grip and while the USGA has said that it does "not appear contrary to the Rules of Golf" (one of the most USGA ways to phrase that) they still need to test further to officially confirm compliance.

Major OEMs have either passed or declined to answer so if we see this IRL it'll be pure bootstraps mentality that got it there.

A final fun fact, Dr. Rocks got into golf as a caddy during WWII. Which I read the first time as like an enlisted member of the military whose job it was to caddy for the top brass or something at wartorn courses across Europe. But after thinking on it for a half second longer realized it was probably a high school job as he was too young to even fight in said war.

What are you doing on July 11th, San Diego??

EXCLUSIVE PAYNTR DROP EVENT

For those who missed it—our first Payntr Golf shoe drop went... uh... quickly.

But like we teased, the team wasn't done cookin' yet and here's another opportunity for my fellow San Diegans to get in on the action.

On July 11th, we're hosting an exclusive early access drop of our next Payntr Golf shoe colorway that's suitably... paint-y... if you catch my drift.

And the equally important headline is Micah Morris will joining to host the event in our San Diego store. So if you're in the area, be sure to come by from 7-9p on Saturday, July 11th!