Iss. #285 | The Chevron Gets a Kiddie Pool

"Matt Fitzpatrick." - Matt Fitzpatrick introducing himself to Scottie Scheffler on the tee of the playoff at last week's RBC Heritage. He may be unassuming, but Matty got some dog in him and ya gotta respect that.

The Chevron Gets A Kiddie Pool

POPPIE'S POND NEEDS A REBOOT

The first major of the LPGA season kicked off this week at The Chevron Championship in Houston. And in keeping with tradition, The Chevron needed to provide the winner a chance to take the plunge and jump in a body of water—of some kind. The backstory here is that in 1988, before it was The Chevron, winner Amy Alcott decided to jump into a pond after winning the Nabisco Dinah Shore. But when The Chevron took over naming rights and eventually moved the tournament from Palm Springs area to Houston, they decided to keep the tradition alive.

Well, they moved courses again and now there wasn't a body of water near the 18th green. So the tournament decided, for just this year, to install a literal kiddie pool instead. Moving forward, designer Tom Doak will redesign the 18th entirely and build a permanent pond.

But now I'm left asking, if you change the name of the tournament, move the venue, then move the venue again, is there really much tradition left? It's spiritually the same to me as the OKC Thunder claiming the records and rosters of the Seattle Supersonics. By all outward indications, this is a different product.

So, I submit my own list of "traditions" the Chevron should consider moving forward.

1) Dunk Tank. Throw up a carnival style dunk tank where the winner sits on the platform while their caddie throws softball painted like golf balls at the target. Built-in comedy, you can brand the heck out of the dunk tank (Oreos anyone?), and it still keeps the submersed in water element for the Dinah Shore purists.

2) Synchronized high dives. One part Red Bull cliff diving, one part old timey circus act where they made the poor horses have to dive off platforms into pools. (PETA definitely put the end to that idea.) Player and caddie climb up a multi-story high dive platform, join hands, and take the plunge. For those afraid of heights (or water), we've also got some will they-won't they drama.

3) Slime 'em. Full pivot here and tag in maybe Summer Sanders from the late 90's Nickelodeon hit show Figure It Out. Leave the water as a tradition for the old, and in with the new. Maybe make it Chevron blue to keep it on brand but rig up a whole bucket style dump mechanism off the 18th green and as they hoist the trophy, let it rip.

This Week On r/golf

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF—FEARS

I LOVE these kind of posts. The ones where it starts as someone's hail mary attempt to comfort themselves that they're not alone in their weird habit—and then a flood of people all reveal they experience the same exact thing.

The topic on r/golf this week was golf dreams and u/Acceptable_Long_6277 sharing their anxiety spiral.

For me, it's the wet spaghetti driver shaft. Before any tournament or high profile golf trip, the night before is always filled with dreams of me standing on the first tee, teeing the ball up, and then as I begin my back swing suddenly the entire shaft becomes like rubber and I can't control it to save my life. The weirdest wrinkle is I actually complete normal practice swings prior and after it turns to rubber, I'll back off the ball, take another normal practice swing, and then as I attempt it for real—rubber.

And it's a dream that these days is in the two spot behind being half awake and dreaming that my youngest son is in the bed with us at night and despite not being able to see him—ya know, because he's asleep in his crib in his room—being unwaveringly convinced I'm about to roll him right off the bed. I then wake up my wife, still half asleep, she gets ticked, and the cycle continues. 

So honestly, rubber driver shaft is the least of my concerns on a typical stress dream night.

You Thought Rory's Grand Slam Was Impressive?

GRAND SLAM OF ACES

Mind-boggling news from North Berwick, East Lothian. (Where the f*@# is that? You might ask. A great question honestly as I Googled it and it wasn't super clear from the first few results that Google knew. Turns out that it is not the neighboring town to The Shire from Lord of the Rings but rather the 13th oldest golf course in the world in Scotland.

And the news, as you read above, was that my man Colin aced every single par 3 on it—earning a Grand Slam of Aces. A feat that surely deserves more than a signed golf flag. In the spirit of the person hitting the ace paying for drinks (A rule that I am on record multiple times in this blog for hating.), Colin should earn a free round of drinks for he and whoever he chooses to play with every time he golfs.

Calling All San Diegans!

BAD MOMS UNITE

You know when Bad Birdie rolls through the hometown, I'm going be pluggin'. 

Calling all Bad Moms out there, we've got a killer lineup of partners set for May 2nd at our San Diego UTC store. I mean Salt & Straw alone will get me to cross the street on a run to get some gas or run of the mill errand. More details to come but hope to see you all there!