Fine, I'll bite...
THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME POWER RANKING
very year, I tell myself that this will be the one where I don't click on the "HERE'S WHAT THE PROS WORE THIS HALLOWEEN" headlines from all the golf publications.
And every year, I fail. At some point, after sipping another pumpkin spice latte (though the apple spice shaken espresso... half-sweetened... this year was legit) I need to admit that I have many basic tendencies. And that's okay.
So here it is, my quick power ranking of the PGA pros Halloween costumes. Yes, that Tiger pic is from last year, but didn't want to spoil anything.
4) Koa the Doodle - aka Morikawa's dog.
I've come full circle on appreciating Collin's obsession with his doodle. At first, it was endearing as most "social media friends with a dog" content can be.
Then came the private plane footage from the Netflix show where I'm like, okay we get it.
Then came the near constant stream of uploads on IG that actually made me un-follow for a bit.
And now I'm back as I just realize that hey, this is one of the most famous golfers in the world—and he loves his dog. Nuff said.
LFG Koa.
3) Luke and Diane Donald
First, does anyone else see Luke as Ed Helms in the Austin Powers costume picture? And in the Bob Ross picture he looks like Dennis from Always Sunny? What a shape shifter!
Second, I'm pretty shocked that Austin Powers didn't have better staying power as a cultural touchstone. Perhaps the humor is too specific to that moment in time... or maybe Mike Myers creeps people out... or maybe the new Bond movies are too good/not as stereotypical as the old ones so the entire conceit of the movie is lost.
It's a shame—very formative movies in my childhood.
2) Adam and Jessica Hadwin
Iconic moment from last season on Tour as Adam was tackled by security while running onto the green to celebrate.
And you have to appreciate the self-awareness—though I kept it out of the top spot because I am left asking, is it TOO self-aware? No way an average person walking down the street would have any clue who they were.
It's like the comedian's comedian who is likely not funny to most people, but if you're in the know, they become hilarious.
1) The Finaus
Golf's favorite family does it again.
Posing for the seemingly professional family portraits (knowing full well it's probably just a new iPhone) will always get major points in my eyes.
The image of his son about to choke slam his other son as everyone just continues on their business.
And the fact that Tony went Green Ranger over White Ranger says everything we need to know.
Love this fam.
Still never seen an actual episode... BUT
TGL NEWS DROPS: HOT ONES STYLE
Still waiting for someone to explain why Hot Ones is so popular.
Maybe it's because YouTube is my blind spot in entertainment—dropping me squarely into the geriatric millennial sub-group, I know—but I watch maybe 30 seconds of YouTube every week, MAYBE.
Or maybe it's because talk shows strike me as an irrelevant format in general. Any clips worth watching appear on social media anyways, so why watch?
Whatever, people love it. So I figured with all the TGL news drops this week, I'd rank them on a scale from mild to spicy. That has to mean 3-5 people will forward this newsletter to a friend, right?
TGL HEAT LEVEL: PICO DE GALLO
Hilariously terrible cover photo from the linked article on The Athletic. Perhaps it's a media rights issue, but come on. This reminds me of the kind of photos I took when Instagram first launched. Throw a sepia toned filter over the top and you'll have a great sense of my early content style.
The news for this one was around the format for the TGL league.
THE QUICK HITS
- Every team will face each other once for the first season
- 15-hole matches for each, broken into two "sessions"
- The first "session" is a 9 hole, three man alternate shot format
- The second "session" is a 6 hole, one v. one match. Where three players will rotate each hole
- Season long scoring will mimic hockey, two points for a win, one point for an overtime loss, and no points for a loss.
- Top four teams make the playoffs
- Championship is a best of three series
My reaction? It's fine. Kinda weird. Not really understanding why there are four person teams if only three people will play in each match. 15 holes also seems odd, if we're going to break the 18 hole format then why stick with a 9 hole session?
Ultimately, the format leaves me with a pico de gallo level of spicy aka none.
TGL HEAT LEVEL: TACO BELL MILD
I always knew the player announcements would be a tough sell. Few players had a real connection to any of the cities so unlike a Ryder Cup, there would be no "identity".
Plus, this whole idea of "signing" is still unclear. Will ownership groups be able to trade players, sign contracts, cut low performers? Until we know this level of detail then the signing process is ultimately window dressing.
Case in point, Justin Thomas. He was the first to sign with a team and he apparently had the ability to choose the Atlanta Drive GC. (Keep in mind, there is an entire team still to be named... so also not sure why they're doing it in this order.)
This hit me like Taco Bell mild sauce. There's flavor there, I guess. But to call it hot sauce is a crime.
TGL HEAT LEVEL: TABASCO
While Atlanta only announced JT. Boston Common Golf was able to lock in a full team?
Identity wise I at least get the LOOSE connection between Boston, Ireland, and now Rory. Add in the frog logo which is in reference to the Boston Common frog pond—and it's all sorta LIV-like in its execution.
I guess it's hard to launch brand new sports leagues and franchises and logos and identities without feeling Madden Create A Team-esque. But whatever.
Tabasco is nice on a very specific list of food for me, and the Boston Common announcement fits that mold. The identity is at least clear and they delivered a complete package of an announcement.
TGL HEAT LEVEL: CHOLULA
The positives? Morikawa has actual connections to Los Angeles.
The negatives? THIS CALL ALMOST TOPS YOUR RYDER CUP CALL?!?!?!
I actually love Cholula hot sauce. Probably my favorite store brand. There's real heat to it but it still doesn't overpower. Just like this drop had some heat in that Morikawa seems to think this announcement is better than Ryder Cup. But not really overpowering me here as far as game-changing updates go.
TGL HEAT LEVEL: A$$ In Hell
In what seems to be a VERY last minute move, Jon Rahm announced this week he was withdrawing from the TGL.
A news drop I'd label as a pretty big deal. Now, the PR answer to why he dropped is because he wants to be around his family more—after having complained last PGA season about the rigorous travel schedule. He also has a pair of super little kids, so on the surface it tracks.
HOWEVER. The sneaky heat comes in with the internet rumors.
Some facts:
- Rahm is close buddies with fellow countryman, Sergio Garcia
- Rahm was once managed by Phil Mickelson's brother
- Rahm and Phil are both at the same agency
- LIV officials have claimed that more big names will be jumping ship this season
The internet is a crazy place. But, there is a trail to follow here.
As for the spice level, a brief story time. One of my dad's best friends collected hot sauces when I was a kid. One day, at some gathering, he brought over a few for the dads to try. I was 10 or 11 or one of those ages where you have unrestrained confidence. I demanded to try it and as the dads all exchanged cheeky glances, they agreed.
One drop. That's all it took. I was profusely sweating, chugging milk, hiccuping, and doing everything I could to not cry in front of the "fellas." My mother was very concerned. But I live to tell the tale.
The name of that sauce? A$$ in Hell
One more hot sauce reference
GROUNDKEEPER'S REVENGE
Last week, I threw in the video above detailing how a herd of little pigs called javelinas absolutely destroyed an Arizona golf course.
Well, the story didn't end there.
ABC News did a deeper dive into the course's efforts to keep the javelinas away. Apparently they've already attempted "granules of coyote urine"... only to discover that “it was like putting bacon bits in their salad.” A sentence I'd never thought I'd write.
However, they finally found an option that seems to do the trick. The answer?
Not this exact chili oil... as this is the absolute heavenly GOAT of all chili crisp toppings. Lao Gan Ma. Find it at your local grocer.
But the idea was there. And how about this hot sauce through-line, huh? My God, I'm hungry.
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