Yikes.
Welp, I struggled mightily to think about what to write this week. Not for lack of news, obviously... but because I like to at least pretend that I'm writing about a few things you hopefully haven't read a million other places before.
But seeing as how even my best friend, whose golf knowledge rarely extends beyond Happy Gilmore quotes, heard the news about the bombshell PGA-DP-Saudi Golf merger. That means you all DEFINITELY have read the tweets and seen the memes and been asked by all your casual acquaintances about "this PGA-LIV thing".
So while I definitely want to pay respect to the best of the best this week, I have to kick things off with a working theory of mine that's so insane, there's no chance your Alex Myers-types or Zire Golf's have touched on it yet.
My Charlie Kelly conspiracy theory of the week...
LIFE IMITATES SUCCESSION
Considering how secretive and "men in a dimly lit room" this whole PGA merging with DP Tour and the PIF fund has felt—it was impossible not to immediately feel as if this was some Succession spinoff playing out IRL.
So I started to think about how this all fits with the Succession finale and as I started to connect the yarn from push pin to push pin inside my mind, the parallels emerged.
SPOILER ALERT for anyone who hasn't seen the finale... and if you haven't started the series at all, go watch Succession. It's worth it.
I'll wait.
First up, Jay Monahan is Kendall Roy.
Desperate to make a power grab and anoint himself the new CEO of all things golf, Jay did an end-around on Greg Norman.
And I can't help but picture Jay saying $#&@ like "We'll do Reagan, with tweaks." A wanna-be of the highest order who has lost the respect of essentially every golfer on his way.
Next up, Greg Norman is Roman Roy.
Ultimately getting squeezed by Kendall/Jay for control of all things golf, Greg finds himself left in a heap with the other polarizing figures.
And I got to assume he's just as livid at the Saudis for bailing on him and making the power grab as Roman was when Mencken left him high and dry.
Here's where we start to wildly speculate, Tiger Woods is Shiv Roy.
Thinking through who would actually have the power to completely tank what Jay has got going, the only answer was Tiger. I can see it now, strutting his way into the hypothetical board room, casting the final and deciding vote to crush Jay's plan. And the board looking around saying, well, if we don't have Tiger then we got nothing.
Which leads us to the final reveal, Phil Mickelson is Tom Wambsgams.
Once Tiger sinks the deal, the board is left to decide who besides Jay can take over and lead the PGA into the next era of Saudi-flooded chests of gold bullion.
In glides Phil. Ole Lefty, smirking from ear to ear saying "I told ya so." And honestly, there are probably crazier theories out there, but Phil ultimately taking over the PGA now seems entirely plausible. Considering he basically went from the pariah of all things PGA to the central cog that forced the PGA to completely change everything they do in the span of about two years.
He's giving me Tom, big time.
Wait, who's Cousin Greg, you ask?
Easy. Bryson.
Can't you just picture Bryson walking up to Jay, Greg, and Tiger saying "So, quad squad, right guys?"
Best Meme of the Week
MICHAEL SCOTT PAPER COMPANY
Perfection.
Spent quite a long time trying to determine who it was that first connected these dots, so apologies to whoever the original joke goes to...
But this wins the award for EASIEST WAY TO EXPLAIN WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO SOMEONE WHO HATES GOLF
That said, it's still unclear if LIV will continue to exist since the deal is technically with the PIF (aka the Saudis investment fund). So Ryan, Michael, and Pam in this meme are the LIV players... rather than LIV itself.
Best Tweets of the Week
JOEL AND BROOKS TAKE THE CROWN
1A and 1B for the best Twitter reactions I've seen so far.
Especially after Full Swing, I Stan hard for Dahmen. Joel fired this gem off within minutes of the announcement.
And not one minute later, Brooks launching an absolute missile at Chamblee who did NOT have a great Tuesday seeing as how he's been one of the most vocal anti-LIV voices around. Oof.
Unhinged Prediction Time
CALL ME NOSTRADAMUS WITH THE MOST-RADAMUS
So where we do go from here?
People much smarter and well plugged in than myself have been spinning all week about what this could mean for the Tour, for LIV, for the future of golf, and beyond.
But figured I'd launch out three of my top predictions from what I've read, heard, and seen so far.
PREDICTION 1
THE NBA-IFICATION OF GOLF
Look, something has to be done about the fact that now half of golf's stars have absolutely absurd contracts, and some have nothing. If everyone comes back under one roof, then I don't see how it doesn't get shared among all of the top 30-40 players.
Which then means we are looking at 5? 6? 7? year deals paying $100M+ each and we're starting to discuss Super Max deals and (if team play continues) Bird rights and all the buzz terms that have taken over the NBA for past decade or so.
The danger, of course, is that you will have just massive divides within the league between haves and have nots—and part of the Tour's allure is that guys like Rickie Fowler can go from hero to zero and then have to crawl back again. Because it's all based on merit right now.
PREDICTION 2
RIVAL RIVAL LEAGUE
The test case has been proven. All you need to do to get a seat at the table of the governing body of golf is to buy out players. Plain and simple.
So what stops another massive investor from coming in and teaming up with the PGA holdout crew (Tiger, Rory, JT, Scottie, etc.) and forming another rival league? Answer? Nothing.
The danger here is that your investor better have some DEEP pockets. Because LIV proved that even with massive names, there just isn't much of an audience for a second league and the on-screen product was awful. So the plan would have to be running an identical Michael Scott Paper Company playbook and praying that it harms the league enough again to force change.
PREDICTION 3
UNION TIME
If this process showed anything, it's that the players still basically have no say in anything. The only say they did have was to leave and sign with LIV. But now, the PGA, DP and PIF will essentially do whatever they want because they finally have the money.
For the players, that means one thing. Band together and fight as one. Enter: union.
Basically it would function just like any other sports league and would be one of the few levers that the golfers in the 70-200 ranking range have. Otherwise, they're completely screwed and have even less lottery tickets to win big money than they did before this all happened.
What a wild time in golf. And really hoping that Full Swing got it all and will dig deeper this time than they did with the LIV stuff prior.
LET'S SEE THAT PLAYER MEETING FROM THE CANADIAN OPEN!!!
YOU'RE INVITED!
And now for an extra special BB invite to those in town for the US Open next weekend.
My golf league, Tiny Putters, is hosting an under the lights takeover of the 10 hole course next to Top Golf in El Segundo to celebrate the US Open rolling through town.
WHEN: Saturday June 17th - 6p-10p
WHERE: The Lakes at El Segundo (next to Top Golf)
WHAT: Golf, Prizes, Food, Drinks, Vibes
Plenty of Bad Birdie to give away plus some incredible sponsors from across SoCal!
Come by, hang out, play some golf. What more do you need?
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