Iss. #100 | The Holy S--- We've Done 100 Of These? Special Edition

Holy $#*& we have done 100 of these things!

And I had about 100 different ideas for how to celebrate, ranging from an absolutely insane scavenger hunt, to a perfect iambic pentameter sonnet, to a completely blank email with simply the number 100 in the middle. And after completing this week's issue, let me say that the number 100 in the middle of a blank screen would've saved me HOURS.

But instead I took some inspiration from my human version of nails on a chalkboard Matthew Berry (just DM me or whatever if you want actual explanation for this) who puts out a "100 Facts for the Fantasy Football Season" article every year. I got to hand it to him, it's effective and I'm stealing it.

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100 FACTS I'VE GATHERED BY WRITING BREAKFAST BALLS

10 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT BILL & KROOKS (#1-10)

BILL

1 - His side hustle is a handcrafted puka shell necklace company called Puka-Mon Go
2 - He was a nationally ranked Halo player in his youth
3 - He once came in dead last of my Tiny Putters San Diego tournament, awarding everyone there a free Bad Birdie hat
4 - He crafted his own aftershave scent that's HEAVY on the bergamot
5 - He refuses to eat purple skittles because he says it reminds of children's medicine

KROOKS

1 - Held the Idaho High School record for high jump until 2019
2 - Appeared in a series of Gap Kids commercials when he was 4
3 - Boasted a .287 batting average playing collegiate baseball
4 - Is the premiere pool landscape architect in the greater Salt Lake area
5 - The scar on his face came from a traumatic goose attack at age 7

(Disclaimer: Only like 5 of these are true.)

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10 ANIMALS THAT DESERVE THEIR OWN POLO (#11-20)

I like animals ok? Wildlife on the course content is king over here. So here is my not-so-subtle pitch to the Bad Birdie polo innovation team.

1 - Iguana
2 - Chameleon
(color changing material??)
3 - Shark
4 - Octopus
5 - Black Panther
(60% of the time it works, every time.)
6 - Stingray
7 - Eagle
8 - Elephant
(I mean I trained 'em in college, come on.)
9 - Gator
10 - Orca

It is my wildlife dream to go to Alaska and watch the orcas, so until I can achieve that, I will happily settle for a dope black and white orca polo. Jason... the ball is in your court.

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MY FAVORITE 10 BREAKFAST BALL ISSUES (#21-30)

I've written some pretty insane stuff over the course of the last two years, 77 issues of which is posted on the blog. Where are the last 22? Only Bill knows. Here are my favorites worth revisiting.

Issue 9 - My First Issue​
(aww, memories!)
Issue 16 - How I Overcame My Golf Dry Spell
(Still my favorite one, bonkers concept but it worked so well.)
Issue 18 - My First Halloween Issue
Issue 45 - The Forever Course Issue
Issues 61 & 62 - The Ones Bill Wrote
(Valiant efforts were made.)
Issue 66 - Halloween Part 2
(Can't believe y'all clicked these links...)
Issue 70 - The Condor Cup Recap
Issue 73 - Crypto Country Club
Issue 77 - The Pro-Am Issue
(Probably my second favorite one, your continued responses provide me weekly joy.)

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READER APPRECIATION SECTION

Bruce Bibb. (#31)

Fans will know what's up. But my man is a legend and deserves his own callout. Bruce, I'm still lookin' for ya so if you are out there - hit me up!

TOP 5 MOST POPULAR CUSTOMER SERVICE EMAILS I GET (#32-36)

Programming note: About midway through last year, Bill made all replies to this email series go directly to me. And while I always pass your emails along, please remember, I just write Breakfast Balls people. I promise our team is here for you, but I'm just a guy delivering golf news and crackin' wise. My power is limited. All that said...

1 - Can you take a picture of a polo and send me it? (Weird one, but it comes more often than I'd like.)

2 - Can you stock more women's polos? (Workin' on it! Your continued enthusiasm is not lost on us, but stay tuned next week.)

3 - Bring back ____ design polo! (Limited run y'all, get 'em while they're hot!)

4 - Amateur hats, can I get one? (See above.)

5 - Group discounts (Love getting this one because that means fun is about to be HAD. Keep these comin' and we'll figure something out.)

TOP 5 MOST CONTROVERSIAL TOPICS I'VE COVERED (#37-41)

1 - DAO Country Club
(The most controversial by far, man you did not take kindly to me ripping the metaverse.)
2 - LIV
('Nuff said.)
3 - PGA
(Both sides-ism)
4 - Tee-less golf courses
(Perhaps I don't know as much about courses as I thought.)
5 - Scottsdale as the premiere destination
(I said don't @ me, but you @ me anyways.)

TOP 5 BEST COURSE RECCOS FROM YOU (#42-46)

1 - Pinehurst
2 - Sand Valley
3 - Arcadia Bluffs
4 - The Golf Club at Newcastle
5 - Superstition Springs

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE LINES EVER EMAILED TO ME (#47-54)

1 - "Best dressed at the Sanford International - my son was a caddie for Mario Tiziani." - Dawn B

2 - "I’d love to buy a “giddy up” polo in XXL" - Roland

3 - "Dude, this one had some extra sauce on it." - Andrew A

4 - "I put (your logo) to permanent ink on my arm. Hopefully not a trademark issue….as it is permanent (and I won’t cut my arm off….) - Russell D

5 - "Send me photos of your shirts that are on sale presently." - Jules T

6 - "I’ve never seen anyone (publicly) that breaks all the rules of “proper” writing in such a brilliant way.  I have written this way for years, privately (in texts to my bros), but I applaud the lack of give a shit this dude has." - Jason C

7 - "Show me where Tom (Brady) hurt you." - Chance S

8 - "I happen to be a die hard golfer and gardener call it the double G. The flower on the hibiscus shirt is actually that of a stargazer lily not a hibiscus." - Gregory S

TOP 5 THINGS I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! (#55-59)

- What's Your Favorite BB Segment?
- Favorite Professional Tournament to Watch?
- What's A Topic I Don't Talk About, That I Should?
- AMA - 1 Question for Me?
- Favorite Non-BB Golf Content?

EMAIL ME YOUR ANSWERS

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FROM THE JOES TO THE PROS—MY PGA LEARNINGS

TOP 5 BEST TOURNEYS FOR CONTENT (#60-64)

- Phoenix Open
(home course, obvious choice, let the party begin)
- Masters
(duh)
- Ryder Cup
(All time vibes tourney, love a rivalry)
- WGC Match Play
(this one always seems to get the pros loosened up, which translates into killer quotes)
- Pebble Pro-Am
(Celeb content! And for most it's the unofficial start to watching golf again. For most...)

TOP 5 BEST PGA PROS FOR CONTENT (#65-69)

- Phil
- Tiger
- Brooks
- Homa
- Daly

(I don't know if I'm really shocking the world here with most of these but Homa's inclusion on this list should not go unnoticed. He deserves infinitely more spotlight than he gets, and let's cross everything imaginable that Netflix puts him on the map for the greater public.)

(For the discerning fan, you'll notice what number I made Jon Daly.)

5 PROS WITH THE LOWEST ODDS TO MAKE A BB EVER (#70-74)

- Denny McCarthy
- Davis Billings
- Peter Malnati
- Aaron Wise
- Mackenzie Hughes

(Guess what? One of those isn't even a real name. And you couldn't care less.)

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FAVORITE BAD BIRDIE EMPLOYEE THAT I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY MET (#75)

Ilum

I imagine it's pronounced like Tulum and it's derived from the word illuminate. As in, Ilum illuminates every company-all slack channel I creep on due to his light and airy name.

Where is it from even? Finland? He's a sales guy, I think. 

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MY RECCOS TO YOU! 

It's Jack. (#76)

He's cool. But also, please get all the golf you can possible squeeze into your life before you have a child. Consider this a public service announcement for whoever needs to hear it.

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MY FAVORITE NON-BB GOLF CONTENT (#77-81)

- Chasing Scratch podcast
- The Golfers Journal
- Ben Hogan's modern fundamentals of golf
- Gavin Flo Tiktok
- Bob Does Sports Tiktok

BEST PIECE OF SWING ADVICE I EVER HEARD (#82)

Hammereth thy nail.

It's a Chasing Scratch reference (I know, I know, when will this guy ever shut up about this damn podcast...) but for real, Adam Young is a mastermind. 

FAVORITE SONGS TO PLAY ON THE COURSE (#83-92)

- 6s to 9s - Big Wild feat. Rationale
- Oh Devil - Electric Guest
- Busy Earnin' - Jungle
- Glowed Up - KAKTRANADA, Anderson Paak
- Bad Decisions - Two Door Cinema Club
- Mornin' - Star Slinger
- Tearing Me Up (RAC Mix) - Bob Moses, RAC
- Praise God - Kanye West
- X - Black Panther soundtrack
- Guru - Coast Modern

(What's my style of music? Good vibes. Next question.)